


Scared To Be Lonely

by EightLeggedFox



Series: Remedy [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fuckbuddies, M/M, Office Worker Daniel, pianist jihoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-29 02:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 41,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18769519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EightLeggedFox/pseuds/EightLeggedFox
Summary: Things were clear between them from the very beginning. Black and white, no grey areas. An agreement born of pleasure, which was all very simple really except Jihoon never took into account just how different Daniel was from everyone else he's given the honor of spending the night with.It should've been easy. He should've stuck to his words. Maybe then there wouldn't be so much hell to pay.





	1. I wonder

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally fell into the Wanna One hole a month before they disbanded. Woops
> 
> I got this idea solely by listening to BTS V's 'Scenery (풍경)' on Soundcloud. Give it a listen if you haven't already.

Jihoon’s fingers move languidly over the keys in a steady rhythm, expertly dancing through the notes he knows all by heart without missing a beat. He lets the music flow through him—losing himself completely on the piece as he bears it all; his feelings, his memories, the experiences that served as the catalyst that brought this melody to life in the first place. He feels a prickle down at the base of his throat, an all too familiar a welling in his eyes but he doesn’t stop. Only a few more flats and unexpected sharps until he gets to fade it out in the softest of plinks.

He gets about four seconds of silent bliss after he hits that final note, a short window where he can drink in the calmness he’s learned to love after every piece he finishes. It’s enough time to swallow down the feelings he’d just poured out, breathing through his mouth with his eyes closed so he can prepare himself to flash the carefully practiced smile he’s so used to giving. And then it’s over, all too soon the roar of applause fills the room and he’s taken on a different path from the emotions he was riding a while ago. He gets up from his bench with satisfaction and pride, smiles and bows to the crowd who he can hear are requesting for an encore. The usual, really, even when everyone more or less already knows that Jihoon always just gracefully bows out of the limelight after a few minutes and never gives in to the crowd’s request.

“You were amaziiiiing! As always,” Daehwi tells him with a grin after he gets down from the stage, handing him a water bottle. “And have I mentioned how much I _love_ the new song you wrote?”

They both bow to a handful of people as they walk through backstage together, Jihoon pleasantly smiling as he accepts the other staffs’ compliments and thanks them for their hard work in return before they head back to his dressing room.

“You have.” Jihoon chuckles, drawing back his tie and stuffing it in his leather bag. “Five times, Daehwi.”

His friend-turned-music-manager merely waves a dismissive hand at him. “I swear my knees were going weak when you played it tonight. That’s the first time I heard it live! And you should’ve seen the audience’s reaction.”

“Well, I have you to thank for that mister who can get me a booking with a snap of a finger.”

Daehwi just continues to smile at him from the couch as Jihoon trades his formal performer attire to a more casual one. And as much as he plays it out jokingly to him, he knows that Daehwi knows how grateful he is.

“I’m just the puppet master pulling a few strings. Your talent’s the one speaking for itself here,” he says, and it’s one thing for other people to compliment him but another thing when it’s coming from his friends. Jihoon just holds back a grin.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come along later hyung?” Daehwi continues. “The guys miss you. _I_ miss you, and it’d be nice to celebrate tonight.”

“What’s there to celebrate? I practically see you every week Daehwi,” Jihoon says, shouldering his bag. “And I just had lunch with Woojin and Guanlin the other day, and with Jinyoung the week before. There’s nothing to miss. ”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Daehwi says with an eye roll. “When’s the last time we all hung out _together_? Like old times?”

Jihoon wants to answer that they both know why that doesn’t happen anymore but if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t deserve his snark, then it’s Daehwi. So he rolls his eyes back at him instead, avoiding the question. They’ve had this conversation one too many times already, and Jihoon has learned it best to ignore the questions that come his way lest Daehwi gets even more ideas on how to convince him.

“I’ll text you soon Daehwi. Say hi to everyone for me.”

“You could tell them that yourself you know.” Daehwi pouts and bats his eyelashes at him.

Jihoon can’t help but chuckle at his friend’s persistence, ruffling his hair as he goes in for a quick hug. There really is something to be said about him and his skills as his manager, but Jihoon has known Daehwi since he was a wee freshman on campus, and his charms are definitely useless against him now, much to his friend’s dismay. “Don’t drink too much, and don’t let Jaehwan-hyung anywhere near a car after you’re all done.”

“I’ll spam you with photos to make you jealous,” he says even though they both know that’s never going to happen. When Daehwi finally concedes, he lets out a sigh before giving his arm one final squeeze. “I’ll see you soon. Take care, hyung.”

It’s in that last look that Jihoon sees it. The look of utter concern from Daehwi’s eyes that almost makes him want to bite back his stubbornness. His charms may have lost its effect on him a long time ago, but his friend’s sincerity is another matter entirely. So naturally, he gives him a quick nod instead, walking out of the room, the building, and hailing the first cab he sees on the road before he does something stupid he knows he’ll only regret later.

 

 

 

The quiet of his apartment is a welcome relief from the day’s events and as he plops himself down on his couch with a carton of milk he took from the fridge, he’s reminded again of how lucky he is to have Daehwi in his life. Besides being the overly-concerned friend who he can always count on, Jihoon knows that if it weren’t for him, he would probably still be your regular, run-of-the-mill college dropout writing music all alone in a stuffy apartment he can barely afford. And no matter how many times Daehwi says that it’s all his talent’s doing, there’s no denying that he wouldn’t be anywhere near where he is now without his help.

Now he lives in a decent-sized condo, with furniture _he_ picked out himself and in a neighborhood that doesn’t have drunk people yelling and fighting down on the streets every night. Now he isn’t limited to eating only two packets of instant ramen every day, and can finally afford to order take-out and stock his own kitchen with things he can eat on a whim. Now the music he writes don’t only reach the ears of his few friends, but also to the hundreds and thousands of people who stream his pieces online and watch his recitals whenever he has them.

He owes Daehwi his entire life, and yet whenever Jihoon asks what he can do to repay him, he only gets two answers in return. The first being that he ‘orchestrates and writes’ an entire musical ensemble exclusively special for his future wedding with Jinyoung (which doesn’t look like is happening anytime soon based on said future-husband’s reaction upon hearing the word ‘wedding’), and the second being, ironically enough, for Jihoon to simply be happy because he, on quote, ‘deserves it’.

 _But I_ am _happy,_ he thinks to himself now, not any different from when he said the same words to Daehwi who merely smiled and patted his shoulder in an act of indulgence at the time.

Jihoon is happy. His dreams have come true, he’s financially stable, and he gets to do what he loves for a living. He has amazing friends—no, an amazing _family—_ who he knows will always be there for him. What more could he ask for? So what if he’s spending a perfectly good Friday night alone, drinking milk from a carton and trying not to let his thoughts wander to where his friends are probably meeting up for drinks. He doesn’t have to be there to know that Jaehwan is probably screaming his lungs off for the weekend, Woojin and Guanlin getting smashed and Daehwi slapping Jinyoung’s hand when he starts reaching for his sixth shot, and Minhyun—

He brings the thought train to an abrupt halt, chugging the rest of his milk in one go in an attempt to divert his focus. He knows deep down that this is what Daehwi means when he says he wants him to be happy, even though he doesn’t want to admit it even to himself. He knows that even with everything going for him, despite all the blessings he’s showered with and the kind of life he has now, Jihoon is undeniably, irrevocably lonely.

“And who’s damn fault is that to begin with,” he answered one time when Daehwi brought it up after they’ve had a little too much wine at a gala they had to attend, only to regret it later when Daehwi gives him the most sympathetic look he’s ever seen on the younger boy’s face.

But that was more than a year ago, and since then Jihoon has found more than a couple of ways to, so to speak, _satiate_ the bouts of loneliness whenever they invade his system.

So he gets up from his seat and takes a shower. Puts on an all-black getup with tight jeans and a loose button up just before he musses up his dirty-blonde hair in that barely-ready look that Guanlin says looks devilish on him. He’s out the door in half an hour walking along the buzzing streets of Friday night Seoul with one clear intent in mind.

 

 

 

The bar he goes to tonight is larger than the last three he went to in the past month alone, but the overall feeling he gets when he enters this one is more or less the same. There’s that same awed feeling the artist in him gets when he sees how this bar is differently decorated from the last, a perk he gets to enjoy now that he’s not frequenting his and his friends’ usual place anymore. There's the same prickle of energy hitting him on the surface of his skin as his senses are immersed in a drone of chatter that mingles with the DJ’s music playing on the speakers. There’s also the same pooling confidence that builds up in his stomach when he can see from the corners of his vision the handful of people doing a double-take on him when he passes by their tables on the way to the main island.

“Are you sure you’re old enough to drink?”

And then there’s that. The first question he gets from every barista after they take one good look at him. Jihoon’s ought to be flattered really, and it _was_ flattering at first but if there’s anything among the sameness he wishes that didn’t follow him then it was definitely this one.

“Okay then, sorry ‘bout that. So what’ll it be pretty boy?” The barista flashes him a coy grin after Jihoon shows him his ID. He hates the guy already.

“A mojito,” he says with a finger raised. After getting his order and an awkward salute from the man, he merely stays around at the bar and enjoys his drink.

He’s not being arrogant, but Jihoon has long since learned what he is to the eyes of other people. He knows that he’s a little above average on the good-looks scale and he knows exactly how to use that to his advantage. Jihoon only comes to these places for precisely one reason anyway, so he can afford to be a little shameless when he occasionally drags his eyes around the area to meet the hungry stares of a few men and women. If history is true to experience, it won’t even take him to finish his drink before the first person introduces themselves to him.

“Hey there.”

A voice says to his right, as if on cue. He puts his half-empty glass down with a smirk but what he doesn’t expect as he’s turning to greet the first stranger is to feel a pair of moist lips touch his left cheek in the same moment a heavy set of arms sling over his shoulders.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, got held up in traffic a bit. Did I miss anythi—oh, is this your friend babe?” The owner of heavy arms says, leaving Jihoon a little baffled. Is this guy for real? Or is he just mistaking him for someone? But _holy shit_ is he good looking.

The first guy on his right who walked over first looks just as baffled as him too, just before embarrassment marks his face and he says, “Oh, sorry. I was just saying hi. I’ll get going now.”

Jihoon actually feels a little bad for the guy, but shrugs the pity off the next second because hey, all is fair in this playing field; and it seems like mister heavy arms knows that too if the smug grin he’s sporting right then is any indication.

“You know, the last person who called me babe in a bar is still nursing a swollen testicle,” Jihoon says coolly, taking a sip from his drink and relishing the way the arm around him instantly tenses at his words. “You’re lucky you look the way you do or else you’d be suffering the same fate.”

“Ah, sorry ‘bout that.” Mister heavy arms graciously takes away his hold on Jihoon’s shoulders before ceremoniously brushing them with his hands. “Wait, was that a compliment?”

Jihoon merely shrugs. “Take it how you like it.”

At that, mister heavy arms’ sheepish smile turns into a wide grin and an airy laugh. And—huh. He’s got bunny teeth.

“Well, thank you for not kicking me in the balls then. I’m Daniel.”

Jihoon almost chokes on his drink trying to hold his laugh from that one. “Is this how you pick people up? Pretend to be their boyfriend and give out fake names?”

He’s slightly aware of how snarky he just sounded, even for his level. And he’s a little surprised when mister heavy arms— _Daniel_ —just laughs with him with the dopiest eye-smile he’s ever seen.

“Okay one, that was literally the first time I tried that move on anybody. And two,” Daniel says pointedly, just before he fishes his pocket and takes out his wallet showing his driver’s license that, in fact, says _Kang Daniel._

“Wow. Color me wrong then,” Jihoon says, biting his lip. God this guy’s smile is contagious.

“So does that mean I can have your name too?”

He finishes the rest of his drink first, chugging it down and making sure that Daniel can see his throat in action as he does so. The effect is instantaneous, the stupid look is up.

“I’m Jihoon. Care to buy me a drink?”

“Is this how you pick people up? Acting all blunt and cold and asking for free drinks?” Daniel challenges him, to which Jihoon merely raises an eyebrow in contest.

“Two mojitos please!” Daniel calls out to the barista a beat later, conceding under Jihoon’s stare. He doesn’t normally go for easy guys like this, but even he has to admit that talking to bunny-boy is fun.

“Thanks.” Jihoon flashes him a sly smile while taking a sip from his glass, eyes not leaving the other. “I guess this means I owe you now.”

“You don’t have to.” Daniel shrugs, “I don’t really like people owing me things. Makes me feel like I’m forcing them into something they wouldn’t normally do.”

Well, that’s something. Jihoon’s impressed, really, to hear something so genuine come from someone like Daniel. In a bar of all places, where everyone’s main objective is to flirt and lie their way into another person’s pants. He’d appreciate it more if circumstances were different, but Jihoon honestly couldn’t care less right now about morals and genuity.

“What if I _want_ to owe you.” He surprises Daniel by moving forward and invading his personal space, whispering in his ear on the pretense that the music is getting too loud for their conversation. Daniel smells divine up close—a combination of citrus and musk, maybe?—and judging by the way he stiffened up a bit under Jihoon’s breath, he thinks he’s gotten the effect he was going for.

“How ‘bout you dance with me then?” Daniel offers when he’s slightly composed himself, and Jihoon can’t say if he’s more annoyed or turned on over the fact that this guy is playing hard to get.

“Okay,” he answers smugly, just before he downs the rest of his drink and feels the alcohol swirling in his system. If Daniel wants a dance, then he’s gonna get one.

He drags him by the arm to dance floor and immediately starts moving and pressing his body to him. With a lot of people, they end up getting too impressed or too aroused the moment Jihoon starts moving, another skill he knows how to utilize. It also helps when most people never really expect him to be a good dancer.

But Daniel…

Jihoon probably should’ve been able to tell from their introduction earlier that Daniel is different and isn’t like most people. So instead, he’s taken aback when his dance partner starts matching his moves with him along the beat. It’s sexy. _Too_ damn sexy if Jihoon’s being honest with himself, and for the first time in a long time he actually _wants_ to go home with this man above everyone else.

Daniel’s fluid and steady at the same time, hips and thighs moving against Jihoon that puts their bodies closer than ever. The music is already so loud and so _sensual_ that the alcohol in his brain isn’t making things any easier for him to keep up a cool and composed front. He doesn’t know when Daniel’s hands start feeling their way up his hips, only slightly aware of the little surprised whimper he makes when he notices them that elicits a hungry gaze from his wielder..

Their first kiss is sloppy, hot, and intoxicating. Jihoon’s only mildly conscious over the fact that he’s the one who made the first move—which he never does whenever he finds himself in these situations—but he doesn’t care. Daniel is as good a kisser as he is a dancer, and the heavy sigh that escapes his nose when Jihoon pulls him in makes him want to take him right then and there.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Daniel breathes against him when he pulls back with blatant reluctance. There’s a fire in his eyes that Jihoon thinks is mirroring his, and he tests this out by biting his lower lip. The reaction is carnal, and he swears he feels something of Daniel’s poking him at the hip.

“Please say yes,” Daniel whispers again. It’s not like Jihoon was ever going to say no in the first place, but that statement of pure desire and desperation has him nodding like a kid being offered a piece of candy. And with the way Daniel looks, the analogy isn’t really that far off.

“My apartment’s a twenty-minute drive from here,” Daniel says hurriedly as they both shuffle in his car—an electric blue Audi RS7, Jihoon notes—and attempt to fasten their seatbelts properly. The lust is making them clumsy.

“Mine’s five. It’s just down the block. I’ll tell you where.” Jihoon doesn’t even bother asking if that’s okay with him, but something tells him that the stupefied smile on Daniel’s face means he doesn’t mind it a single bit. Which is good because Jihoon doesn’t think he can last a few minutes more without giving in to his primal instincts.

He’s surprised really, at how antsy and impatient Daniel’s made him. He’s never like this with any of his hookups, no matter how hot they all were. And truth be told, if looks are all he’s basing things off on, Daniel isn’t even a close match to the other men and women he’s picked up before in different bars.

But Jihoon doesn’t do this just so he could sleep with the most attractive people he can lay his eyes on. He’s not a slutty playboy, despite what his previous hookups might say. He’s doing this in order to feel something, the component that’s missing from his otherwise glamorous and successful life. And right now, Daniel is giving him just that; the excitement and intrigue when he first introduced himself, the impatience and desire pooling in his gut as they drive to Jihoon’s apartment building, the palpable sexual tension in the elevator as they ride up to his floor, and finally, the unabashed contact of skin on skin when they finally get to his flat and lose themselves to their pure and infernal desires.

In an instant, Jihoon’s bout of loneliness is solved. And it feels fucking amazing.

 

 

 

“Holy shit,” Daniel says beside him, voice slightly panting but otherwise filled with awe. “That’s—that was—holy _shit._ ”

Jihoon feels a chuckle escape his lips, and he lets himself feel lightweight in the moment as he props his naked torso up on his elbow and glances slyly at Daniel. “Did I damage you brain or something?”

“Okay, I’m just gonna say it. That was literally _the_ best sex I have ever had in my entire life. Hands down,” Daniel says with conviction, ignoring the laugh Jihoon makes. “I’m serious! How the fuck do you do that?  The way you moved was like—” he continues dumbly, gesturing with his hands above him as if recalling how Jihoon was sitting on top of him just a minute ago.

“You weren’t too bad yourself.” Jihoon smirks at him, and for some reason they both end up giggling at each other like they’re high schoolers who did the ‘thing’ for the first time. In a way, it feels exactly like it.

“A lot of people tell me that,” Daniel answers shamelessly, “But God, _you_ were a whole different level. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that good with anyone before.”

Flattering. Jihoon almost wants to say that he feels the same way. Almost.

“Can we do it again?” Daniel fully turns on his side to face him, with eyes raised and sparkling. Jihoon finds it fascinating that he can turn into having this innocent, boy-next-door persona when earlier he looked like a complete Adonis devouring him on this very bed.

And maybe this fascination is the reason why Jihoon doesn’t immediately answer with the usual no, or with the instinctive shake of his head. Or maybe it’s the way Daniel’s eyes are lit up with hope and post-coital bliss that makes him re-evaluate the answer that’s already at the tip of his tongue.

The whole point of a one night stand is just that; one night _only_. But then again, Jihoon practically sleeps with strangers almost every week now anyway. Wouldn’t it be better to just have one stranger on his bed? It’d be a whole lot safer on his health for sure, and he wouldn’t have to deal with the occasional disappointment of finding out that the person he took home isn’t as good in bed as they look. Maybe having a constant wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Because suddenly, he finds that he can’t answer with a flat out no to the man beside him, and that he can’t seem to erase the lingering sensations on his dick and ass that no one’s ever made him feel before.

“Tonight, no,” Jihoon finally answers, lifting himself off the bed and walking over to get his phone from where his pants are strewn on the floor, ignoring the slight disappointment and confusion that flashes across Daniel’s face before handing out his phone to him. “But again? Maybe we can make an arrangement.”

He plops back down on the bed next to Daniel, who by now is grinning so wide it feels like his face could literally tear from the effort. “Is this you asking for my number then?” he says, eyeing the device on Jihoon's hand.

“Do you prefer we email each other?” Jihoon raises an eyebrow, smirking. “I mean, that’s fine too. A little unconventional for a fuck buddy but hey, whatever’s convenient right?”

Daniel merely blinks, smile faltering in what Jihoon thinks is his brain probably buffering the information he just threw at him. He gets it, he’s a little surprised at himself too. Daniel picks up after a beat though, and reaches for his own phone in exchange.

“Fuck buddy. Okay, I'm down with that,” he says right before he snatches Jihoon's phone away, immediately opening his camera app and taking a selfie.

“What are you doing?” Jihoon raises an eyebrow, but he only gets a cheeky grin in return.

“Hey if I’m gonna be your booty call, I don’t want to just be that stereotypical random contact on your phone with the default gray-person icon,” Daniel says, mocking affront. Jihoon frowns but doesn't do anything to stop the boy from posing with peace signs and finger hearts with his phone—nor does he tell him that practically _none_ of his contacts have photos on them.

“Here, now give that back before you take a hundred selfies,” Jihoon says after throwing back Daniel his phone, which he boringly just put ‘Jihoon’ along with his number on it. A stark contrast from the ‘Kang Daniel’ that’s newly logged on his complete with a smiley photo.

“You were supposed to put your picture too.” Daniel mockingly pouts at him, to which Jihoon just scoffs.

“I’ll just see you back at the bar. Same day, same time. Okay?” It’s as good an invitation as any, while being a cleverly disguised ‘ _we're done now, you can leave’_ at the same time.

Thankfully Daniel isn’t as dense and too high on the sex anymore to take the hint and just gives Jihoon a tight-lipped nod before getting up and gathering his clothes to get dressed. This was usually the part where it kind of gets awkward—the after-sex-got-to-leave-now moment as Jihoon likes to call it. He wonders, as he stares at Daniel’s form dressing up in the shadows, why that isn’t the case right now.

“Umm, thanks for tonight. I had fun? I guess?” Daniel tells him just after he's settled and standing rather awkwardly as Jihoon sees him out the front door. “Sorry, I’m not really good at ending one-night stands. Or umm, whatever this is. I guess it’s not really a one-night stand ‘cause we’re meeting again next week and—”

The rest of his words die on Jihoon’s lips, both stumbling a little at the surprise kiss.

“How ‘bout we end it at that,” Jihoon says when he pulls away, leaning against the doorframe with nonchalance.

“Okay.” He gets one final smile, one that Jihoon fails not to stare too long at. “Goodnight Jihoon.”

He only hums a response before he closes the door between them, enjoying the last quick beats his heart is making before he succumbs to sleep alone again.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

It’s two days later when Jihoon begins to regret his decision a little. And no, he doesn’t regret getting himself a fuck buddy—far from it actually. What he regrets is not having sex again that night like Daniel had asked, and then proceeding to tell him that the next time they meet would only be an excruciating week after.

To be fair, he was being pretty rational at the time after just having had sex with the guy. He didn’t _need_ another round that night and he was already pleasantly satisfied. But that was two nights ago, and now Jihoon’s feeling a little horny and all he can think about are all the dirty things he and Daniel did on his bed. It definitely isn't helping that he hasn’t heard a peep from the him either (because there’s no way in hell Jihoon is texting or calling first). And maybe it’s his dick doing the thinking, but he just absolutely can’t get the other boy off his mind.

“I haven’t seen you get a creative block in a long time,” Daehwi says before sipping his orange juice, at the breakfast place they like going to every Tuesday. “Maybe this is your subconscious telling you to get a social life and join us for drinks every now and then.”

Jinyoung beside him chuckles at that, ignoring the glare Daehwi throws at him when he says, “Everyone gets blocks sometimes. Even musical geniuses like you hyung. I’m sure you’ll get past it soon enough.”

“ _Or_ , encourage him to leave his expensive apartment for a change and go out like a normal twenty-four year old!” Daehwi interjects, pointing his pancake filled fork at Jinyoung who happily steals it in a quick bite.

“I don’t see how me leaving my ‘expensive apartment’ to go out for drinks is going to help my productivity,” Jihoon says with a mocking frown.

“Maybe it’s ‘cause you got a lot on your mind,” Jinyoung supplies, while dripping more syrup on his plate than absolutely necessary. “Most people who are mentally stuck either have someone or something they’re constantly thinking about.”

Jihoon almost chokes on his muffin. Damn Jinyoung and his psychology major.

“Oh I doubt that Jinyoung-ie.” Daehwi sasses back, smirking. “Hyung has no one but us, who else _is_ there to think about?”

“Yah!”

Daehwi sticks his tongue out at him and Jihoon just pouts. He refuses to think that his inability think of a melody for the song he’s working on is because of Daniel. He only met him once, that’s just absurd. But even so, he can’t help but think that ‘soon enough’ still feels like days away.

He relents the following Wednesday, finally picking up his phone and getting up from his piano where he’d been sitting for the past hour and a half with nothing to show for. He feels like a hypocrite, but he doesn’t really care at this point—though he still launches up the search engine in an incognito window on his phone browser.

Unsurprisingly, googling ‘Kang Daniel’ proves to be one of the more easier searches he’s ever had to do on anyone. He doesn’t find anything too detailed, Daniel isn’t famous, but he does find his instagram profile—which is basically tantamount to everything you need to know about a person’s life. Jihoon isn’t going to admit to anybody that he may have let out a small sigh of relief after seeing that the account is set to public, and it _definitely_ isn’t going out lt that he may or may not be already nursing a hard on after just a few scrolls on said account.

Because damn. _Damn_ Daniel and his countless shirtless selfies. Damn him and his greek-god abs and goofy rabbit smile. It makes Jihoon involuntarily glance at his digital calendar, cursing under his breath because it’s still _a whole forty-eight hours_ before Friday night.

He’s about sixty posts deep when he finds a particular photo of Daniel taking a mirror selfie in what’s presumably his bathroom, all sweaty and glistening thanks to the nicely placed window on his left that’s letting the morning light hit his solid, topless body at _just_ the right angle with a cheeky caption saying ‘who’s the gym rat? ;P’ when Jihoon decides to just fuck it.

He’s human after all, and humans have needs. And what Jihoon needs right then is to remedy his already leaking member before he starts getting even more desperate and calls that one contact on his phone that has a photo beside the name.

Damn you, Kang Daniel.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Well if it isn’t pretty boy! How you doin’?”

Jihoon internally cringes when a few people around them glance at him but he still manages to flash a winning smile at the bartender who’s called him out. _This_ is why he doesn’t like going to the same bar twice in the same month

“I’m good. I’ll have a mojito again, thanks,” he says, his tone clipped but polite. Jihoon knows better than to be rude to a bartender, no matter how much he wants to punch this one in the face.

“Alright, comin’ right up! And I’ll make it extra good just for you. You look like you’ve had a long week.” The guy winks at him, and Jihoon can’t help but nod in agreement.

“You have no idea.”

Hopefully his long week ends tonight, but no matter how thirsty and sexually constipated he is, he still has an image to keep. Meaning he’s not just about to go stand on his toes and drag his eyes all over the club to look for a certain brunette.

“Hey there,” a voice to his right says just after he finishes taking the sip of his drink. It takes a lot more effort than he would like to admit to tamp down the disappointment that forms in his gut when he sees that it’s someone he doesn’t recognize.

“Hey,” Jihoon answers coolly, doing a little nod as he tips his glass up. He does a once over at the stranger and he’s gotta say, the guy is pretty hot. And big. Like, _really_ big.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to assume but, you look like you’re alone tonight and I kinda came here by myself too so…” The guy says, gesturing over to the empty seat beside Jihoon. His head is already doing the math. He hasn’t even been here for a good fifteen minutes _and_ he’d just gotten his order. Either big, buff guy had been watching him since the moment he came in, or Jihoon’s pheromones are working hyperdrive.

Regardless though, the guy’s hot _and_ polite, with a smile that’s slightly bordering on cautious and bold at the same time. He makes a quick glance over his shoulder to look at the people around them, and then to the fancy clock on the wall that’s telling him it’s way past the time for a certain someone to meet him.

“Seat’s not taken, go ahead.” He takes another sip of his drink and smiles at his new companion. His so called ‘fuck buddy’ can just go fuck himself. He’s done waiting. “I’m Jihoon, by the way.”

“I’m Dongho. Kang Dongho.” He extends a hand, and Jihoon almost spits his drink out.

“Nice to meet you,” he says after a beat of composure, reminding himself that this is nothing but a coincidence as he shakes Dongho’s impressively large hand.

“Sorry if I’m bothering you. This isn’t really my usual scene.”

“You and me both.” Jihoon winks at him, garnering the desired reaction that he’s sure Donoho's trying to hide. “I’m just trying out new places too. It’s only my second time here.”

“Oh, cool. Cool. So uhh, I’d offer to buy you another drink but you’re already looking a little pink there,” Dongho says, scooting closer on his stool and pointing to his glass. “Or are you just naturally flushed and cute all the time?”

So the flirting begins. Jihoon’s gotta hand it to him though, because that one actually genuinely makes him laugh. “So you think I’m cute?”

“A little.” Dongho shrugs sheepishly. “But I think you’re way hotter than you are cute though.”

Jihoon bites his lower lip when he laughs again. Now that they’re sitting a little closer, he can’t help but stare at the way Dongho’s body is practically bulging out of his too-tight button up. He can already feel what’s going to go down tonight. Jihoon licks his lips and is just about to give an equally playful comeback when he feels a tap on his shoulder from behind, and he almost regrets turning around to look.

“Hi. Sorry I’m late.” The damn bunny-smile is what catches him off-guard, but the first thing Jihoon notices about him is that his hair is down on a fluffy fringe tonight. It makes him look innocently cute which is a stark contrast from his shirt with the two top buttons open.

“Oh, a friend of yours?” Dongho says from behind him, sounding surprised. But Jihoon just squints at their unwelcome newcomer and turns his back to him with a shake of his head.

“No. I think he’s just trying to pick me up or something,” he says quite audibly, making sure Daniel hears him.

Turning down a person isn’t new to him. He’s done it plenty of times when he feels that someone hitting on him isn’t adequate enough to entertain him for the night. Normally, this would be the part where the other person takes the hint that they just blew their chances with him and would start walking away with their tails between their legs. And with a person as big as Dongho in competition currently entertaining him, the chances of that happening are even higher than normal. Jihoon’s already about to talk to Dongho again, with his smirk back on and seduction at the tip of his tongue, until an arm literally gets in the way and a smirking Daniel leans forward on the bar blocking the view between them.

“Really?” Daniel says with a raised eyebrow. “Was the sex _that_ good that it made you forget who I am?”

Daniel is so very close, dangerously so that Jihoon feels his breath wafting on his face. Now, he’s pretty sure he’s probably making a mistake, because the sudden warmth he’s feeling that’s spreading on his cheeks can’t possibly be because he’s blushing. Jihoon _doesn’t_ blush. He makes other people stammer, not the other way around. He doesn’t even remember the last time he supposedly felt this that the sensation is so foreign to him now.

“Want me to remind you, Jihoonie?” Daniel whispers in his ear and for the first time in a _very_ long time, he’s speechless while the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

The next thing that happens is quite a blur to him, and it’s something he doesn’t know how to react to when it starts to unfold. He’s still recovering from his lingering daze when the next thing he knows, Daniel is suddenly yanked away from him and is down on the floor. The collective gasp from the people around them are mutely drowned in the club’s music, and he can vaguely hear the bartender shouting something incoherent from behind him.

Jihoon looks wide-eyed to his side to where Dongho’s standing above Daniel, and suddenly his huge and bulging arms don’t look as hot as it did five minutes earlier.

“That’s him. He threw the first punch,” Jihoon hears one of the patrons say pointing at Dongho, who’s now looking at Jihoon as if he’s supposed to do something about the situation. Honestly, he wants to laugh at him for thinking he would actually come save his ass, except he’s still too shell-shocked to even form a coherent thought. Then a larger guy who Jihoon recognizes as the bouncer suddenly comes into view, unceremoniously taking Dongho by the arm to escort him out of the venue.

“You okay pretty boy?”

He finally snaps out of it when cringey-bartender gives his shoulder a little shake, which lets him be aware just in time to see Daniel picking himself up and rushing out of the scene.

 

 

 

“Hey! Hey, wait!”

It’s times like these when Jihoon hates the fact that he’s stopped growing and is cursed to live the rest of his life with shorter legs than most people. A ruse in his mind really, when what he truly hates is the fact that he’s chasing after someone in a parking lot when he promised himself before that he would never _ever_ do so again.

“Daniel wai—”

“You could’ve just told me you had a boyfriend you know! I never would’ve bothered you and pulled a stunt like that.” Daniel turns to face him, obviously fuming. But the death glare he’s sporting and the acidic tone in his voice is nowhere near in comparison to the shock Jihoon feels when he sees his face.

“Shit.”

It’s only been a few minutes and there’s already a swelling bruise on Daniel’s left cheek. It’s only going to get worse come morning, and it’s all because of him.

“Yeah. Shit,” Daniel repeats, and Jihoon only realizes that he’s said the thought aloud. “You know what? Forget it. I’m not humiliating myself in front of you anymore.”

“Daniel, he wasn’t boyfriend,” Jihoon finds himself saying, and he bites his tongue for a second for sounding so defensive. “I don’t even know him. I was waiting for you when he started talking to me and—”

“And what? You couldn’t have told him that yourself? You just _had_ to punish me for being late by playing your little game until he punches me in the face, is that it?” Daniel says, shaking his head when it’s clear he’s making all the right points. “Well congratulations Jihoon, because you win. Now you can go ahead and fuck each other’s brains out knowing that you made it very clear to me that _I_ messed up.”

Daniel turns back around to briskly walk to his car again, leaving Jihoon speechless for the second time in the span of an hour. When the loathe and confusion in his stomach has settled, it’s then replaced by something else entirely. Like a veil of fog that clears, revealing something he hasn’t seen or felt before—or rather, something he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in a very long time. Something that makes the words trip out of his mouth without his control.

“I’m sorry.”

Danie’s hand is already on his car door, ready to leave tonight behind when Jihoon says it. He stops though, as if caught off guard by the words, waiting to hear out the rest.

“I’m sorry for being a jerk and for getting you into trouble like that. I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I wasn’t—” Jihoon looks down at his feet, lips between his teeth. He _hates_ this. He hates that he’s apologizing and feeling ashamed and small in front of someone he barely even knows. He hates feeling bare and open, saying things that come from his—he’s going to gag— _heart._

But this is his fault and he knows it. And even if he’d rather be jumping off a cliff than apologizing to this near stranger, Jihoon’s definitely not going to be a person who doesn’t owe up to his mistakes. “I didn’t know he would do that. And I never wanted for you to get hurt. You’re right, I did feel a little petty that you made me wait. But that doesn’t warrant you getting punched like that. I’m sorry, Dan—”

He’s too occupied looking at the ground and apologizing that he didn’t anticipate nor see when exactly Daniel started walking back to him. He doesn’t get to finish his monologue either because his face is suddenly cupped between two hands and his lips are connected with another.

And in that moment, Jihoon can’t even begin to formulate a reason as to why his eyes close instantly. Why he sinks into Daniel’s kiss as if it would take away the bad taste of the apology that was in his mouth seconds ago. Maybe it’s the guilt that’s making him wonky, or the events of tonight that’s still lingering at the back of his mind. Or maybe it’s the entire week's worth of pining and constant thinking about kissing Daniel again that has Jihoon so weak and pliable, enough for him to suddenly be pressed against Daniel’s car while the other’s arms trap him on either side; kissing his lips for all its worth as if saying that, he too, had been waiting for this all week.

Jihoon’s never taken any form of casual drugs before, but he imagines this is what being high probably feels like. When he’s rendered to only be vaguely aware of how his own arms fly up to wrap around Daniel’s neck to pull him closer. Or how they're suddenly inside the car, still in lip-lock, driving back to his apartment in a matter of minutes.

Jihoon doesn’t remember the last time he used sex on someone to make up for something wrong he did, nor did he ever think that being _punished_ like Daniel’s doing to him then would make him feel so much pleasure. Suddenly the tension they built up back in the bar, at the parking lot—the honest guilt Jihoon poured out—all feels _so much_ more worth it when he ends up feeling this good under Daniel’s hands.

There could be a lot of reasons for everything Jihoon feels tonight, but one thing he’s sure of is that no one has _ever_ made him pass out in bed before, so completely spent from sex and sex alone.

It feels fucking amazing.

 

 

 

Jihoon wakes up to an empty apartment the next day feeling lightweight and rested. For a second he thinks he’d just dreamt the whole night, but then he sees his naked body under the covers with more than a few dry stains on his stomach which he’s sure isn’t his alone.

He bites his lips at the memory, the sensations from the night before still fresh and raw on the surface of his skin. And like a dam breaking with a huge load of water in its wake, something just clicks inside Jihoon’s head that compels him to get up and walk out to the living room to where his piano is.

It’s been a while since inspiration hit him this hard, making him indifferent to the fact that he’s still butt-naked and reeking of sex. He doesn’t even care that there’s a slight soreness on his lower regions when he walks and takes a seat on the bench. Right now, all that matters is that there's something itching to get out of the confines of his head through his already jumpy hands.

He glances to the right where the full length window of his apartment is casting a somewhat clear reflection of him. His hair’s disheveled, his skin is glowing, and there’s a blurry mark that’s just on the soft spot between his shoulder and collarbone. The most surprising thing for him though is that he catches himself having this small elated smile on his face. Reflection distortion probably.

He turns on the recorder app of the tablet he always leaves on his piano before he warms up his fingers, which he sees are also stained with the same dried substances that are on his torso. It makes him smile wider, and he lets the collective image sit in his mind as the music takes over him.

 

 

 

“No wonder you’ve been AWOL,” Jaehwan tells him two days later, over coffee at their usual place. “Then again, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised.”

Jihoon’s had his phone turned off the entire weekend in favor of working on the song he was suddenly hit with after that night with Daniel. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, at least to his friends, when he cuts himself off from everything entirely for a few days to focus on his music. It’s how a few of his best pieces are born even, the hits people like to stream more often than others and those that make them excited enough to go out of their way to pay for and hear live at recitals.

“Did you even listen to it the way I told you to hyung?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jaehwan nods, sipping his coffee and ticking his fingers for each item on Jihoon’s list. “I made sure I showered, ate, drew the curtains and listened in the absolute darkness of my room using the expensive ass headphones you got me last Christmas. I know the drill.”

Jihoon holds back a smile and drinks from his coffee cup. Jaehwan was one of the first people who ever heard him play the piano when he was still a freshman at university. Back when he would only play piano covers of popular songs in one of the few music studios on campus. When Jihoon first started learning how to compose his own pieces, Jaehwan sort of turned into his key confidant; the first, and often only, person to hear Jihoon’s first drafts.

“So, what did you think?”

Jaehwan puts his drink down and leans back on his chair, eyes never leaving Jihoon’s. “I think this is the most polished first draft of a song you have ever made since you started making music. It feels…” He gestures on the air between them, eyes squinted. “Whole, in a sense. Which surprises me a little because usually, your first drafts are always missing a few somethings. When did you say you made this?”

“Saturday,” Jihoon says rather proudly. Jaehwan’s compliments are always heart-filling.

“You must’ve been really inspired then. What did you do? Get laid?”

He’s lucky he’s in the company of one of his best friends, because he doesn’t think spitting the coffee he was sipping directly on the other person's face would warrant a pleasant reaction if it were a stranger.

“Shit! Jihoon!”

“S-sorry!” He’s caught between being totally embarrassed, and downright hysterical when he sees Jaehwan wiping his spit coffee off himself. “I think I burned my tongue.”

“Oh boohoo, want me to kiss it for you baby? Get me some tissues damn it!”

“Right, on it!”

 

 

 

This time around, Daniel doesn’t bother his thoughts until Thursday evening after he eats dinner. Jihoon’s been busy making tweaks to the new song he just wrote and is taking a break when he invades his mind. He hasn’t heard from the guy, yet again, since the week prior and Jihoon doesn’t even remember seeing him leave or say goodbye after their nighttime ‘activities’.

It makes him worry a little—which in itself is already crazy because _why the hell should Jihoon worry_ —when he remembers that the last sober conversation they had was at the bar’s parking lot where Daniel was angrily getting away from him. Unwelcome thoughts of whether Daniel was still angry or if last Friday their last night ever begin to form in Jihoon’s mind and he hates that he’s even spending a single brain cell thinking about it.

He gets the relief he needs from Instagram, yet again, when he incognito-ly checks Daniel’s profile and he sees a selfie of him posted just last Saturday with another cheeky caption saying: “Last friday night~ ;)”

His initial worrying is then replaced with a plethora of other thoughts when he looks at the picture more carefully. Because one, even with the use of a filter, Daniel’s bruise definitely looks more prominent than Jihoon remembers. He’s definitely a little concerned up until he notices the all too familiar sofa, coffee table, and rug on the background which isn’t any different from the set Jihoon’s lounging on right now.

He should be angry, because how dare this stranger take a selfie in his own home, taking advantage of the small possibility of him finding out he posted this since Jihoon isn’t technically supposed to be lurking on his Instagram page. How dare he insight the curiosity of his—and Jihoon double checks—5029 followers of where he was when the photo was taken by playing mysterious and ignoring the few who asked in the comments.

Jihoon should be angry, fuming even. Yet it’s so strange to him when really, all he feels as he stares even longer at the photo is a slight sense of relief and mild playfulness.

Damn you, Kang Daniel.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Friday arrives much sooner than it did last week, and this time Jihoon makes sure not to arrive at 10PM on the dot like he so studiously did the last time. He takes his time getting ready, tries out a few shirts before choosing the one he’d wear tonight and even goes to the trouble of actually styling his hair in an updo.

He’s never done this before, at least not for a night out on the bar and definitely not for a hookup. But it’s Friday and Jihoon can at least admit that he’s feeling a little excited, so he spares himself the long thought catalogue of overthinking his actions and just goes out to enjoy himself.

It’s only a quarter past ten when he arrives at the bar, where by now the bouncer outside easily recognizes him. The little stunt with Dongho last week may have added to the familiar nod he receives but it’s all good, Jihoon doesn’t mind. What he does mind however is the sight that greets him when he’s successfully maneuvered through the crowd in order to get to the main island.

Maybe it’s a cruel revenge on his part, but seeing Daniel already sitting there and talking with a girl definitely sends all the wrong signals. Jihoon is frozen in place, shoulders getting bumped by a few patrons who either don't see him or don't care enough to look when they pass by. The girl has a hand on Daniel’s arm, subtly leaning on all the right spots and whispering close to his ear every chance she gets. Their latest exchange elicits a laugh from Daniel, who shamelessly shows off his bunny teeth with a hand landing on the girl’s waist.

He’s not really sure what’s gotten into him, but the next thing Jihoon knows is that he’s marching off to where the two are flirting. The same cringey bartender notices him when he’s only a few feet away but Jihoon ignores his greeting and immediately grabs Daniel by the arm, turns him on his seat, and pulls his shirt collar to plant a long, deep kiss on his lips.

He feels the surprise against his own for the first couple of seconds, but it’s quickly replaced with fervor when Daniel realizes who it is and starts kissing back. Jihoon only spares a glance at the girl he was talking to, who is currently staring at them wide-eyed with her jaw to the floor. It takes a couple more seconds for her to realize that this scene is nowhere near reaching its end before she finally takes the hint and leaves.

“Hello to you too,” Daniel says when Jihoon pulls back, looking a little star-eyed and dazed.

“Shut up.” He answers back with another kiss, which Daniel more than happily returns. “Take me home. Now.”

He only gets a nod before Daniel stumbles out of his chair and follows him out of the club. Jihoon isn’t impatient and antsy this time, and in fact enjoys the silent journey back to his place with a slightly guilty looking Daniel next to him.

He knows that even before he turns to lock his doors, tonight is going to be a hell lot of fun.

 

 

 

“God.”

“You called?” Jihoon smirks, getting a pillow to his face when Daniel throws one over to him with a laugh.

“That was—I’ve never—” Daniel pants, turning on his side to face Jihoon trying to find the right words to say. “I never knew it could feel that good. Being on the—”

“Receiving end?” Jihoon finishes for him, which gets him another pillow to the face. “Yah! Are you really starting a pillow fight right now?”

Daniel responds with another pillow, and maybe he’s still seeing stars under the lens of post-sex bliss but he definitely doesn’t mind the small pillow fight that ensues. Not when Daniel’s bunny-smile is constantly on.

“Hey,” Jihoon says after they’ve tired each other out again, addressing Daniel who promptly picks himself off the bed and starts gathering his clothes.

“Hey back.”

“Can I ask you something crazy? It’s just a yes or no question, and feel free to answer with either one.”

Daniel stops midway of buckling his jeans and meets Jihoon’s eyes then. He’s still shirtless, which makes him look even more intimidating. Not to mention hot. “Okay, shoot.”

He’s already loaded the gun he thinks, but the lingering doubt makes him pause and hesitate on the trigger. Daniel sees this, and proceeds to walk back on the bed and sit on the edge of the mattress.

“C’mon, what is it? I won’t bite.”

Jihoon scoffs, pushing himself further into his sheets and puts a pillow on top of his upper body, as if shielding himself from vulnerability.

“I just thought, that maybe—if you wanted...maybe we can, you know, just skip going to bar next Friday and just like, meet up at each other’s places or something.” He avoids Daniel's eyes and involuntarily plays with the fabric of his pillowcase. He hates how weak he sounds, but he figures he hates the feeling of seeing Daniel flirt around with other people more which is precisely why he's asking. “If you think that’s okay of course, but if you don’t then that’s fine too and—”

“Okay.”

“Yeah, I figured it was crazy ha-ha just forget I said anyth—wait, what?”

Daniel just laughs at him, eyes disappearing into his smile again. “I said okay. And I agree, that bar’s getting a little crowded anyway.”

Jihoon’s brain didn’t seem to have anticipated that answer, because even after a couple of seconds, the best thing he can respond with is, “Oh.”

“So I guess I’ll just call you then? Or text you? We can go to my place next time. I feel kinda guilty for always leaving you with dirty sheets every weekend,”  Daniel says sheepishly, a hand going to the back of his head.

“Y-yeah, sure. We can do that. And you don’t have to feel too bad about the sheets. It’s fine.” Jihoon tries to give a reassuring smile, which he’s afraid just looks like an awkward mouth stretch if at best.

“Okay then, sounds great.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay,” Daniel says finally, putting his shirt back on and patting his legs to make sure his stuff is with him. “So umm, I guess I’ll get going now.”

“Right. Okay. Drive safe.”

“Okay.”

“We should probably stop saying ‘okay’ now.” Jihoon smiles, earning a chuckle and a nod in response.

“I’ll see you next Friday. Goodnight Jihoon.”

He only grunts out a final response, folding himself over his comforters and pretending to sleep. He hears the sound of Daniel’s airy laugh one last time before the sound of his door clicks closed and he’s left with silence.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 ** _Jihoon:_** _Hey. This is Jihoon. What’s your address?_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I’ll tell you on the way ;)_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _....what?_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I’m at your building. Come down to the parking lot :)_

Jihoon looks at his clock and sees that it’s only half-past nine; a full half hour from the time he’s supposed to meet with Daniel. His earlier internal debacle of whether or not he should text first (he knew he should’ve waited it out a bit longer) is then replaced by utter confusion. If Daniel’s already here, how long was he waiting down at his parking lot? _Why_ is he down there waiting at his parking lot?

He supposes he’ll get his answer soon enough when the elevator door opens and he sees a certain tall brunette leaning against a blue Audi.

“Hey.”

“I was planning to book a cab you know,” Jihoon greets back, standing next to him squarely. “You didn’t have to come here.”

Daniel only shrugs, turning to unlock the door. “I was in the area. And it’s no trouble really. Your place isn’t too far from mine.”

“Just remember that you’re the one offering. I don’t want you asking me to pay for your gas later.” Jihoon scoffs when he straps on his seatbelt, refusing to look at his chuckling driver.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

The drive to Daniel’s is relatively short, just like he said it would be. Jihoon even knows this part of the neighborhood—he swears they just passed by the bakery he gets his bread from whenever he goes out for a run. It’s a surprise that he’s never seen Daniel out on the streets before when his face is hard to miss.

They’re soon pulling into his building’s parking lot, and Jihoon’s just unbuckled himself when he feels a hand on his thigh stopping him.

“You know,” Daniel starts, eyes front. “I’ve had this car for a little over a year now.”

Jihoon only turns and raises an eyebrow at him, not really sure what he’s getting at. When Daniel doesn’t continue, he asks. “And?”

That's when the switch happens. When seconds ago Daniel was all smiley and bright, the look he has on his plastered on right now as he faces Jihoon is of a whole different category. It’s the same hooded eyes he saw back when he danced with him the first night they met at the bar. The same devilish smirk playing on his lips when he was challenging Jihoon in front of Dongho. It’s the look Jihoon is beginning to be familiar with, and he can’t say he’s even a little bothered  when he already feels a tightness forming in his nether regions.

“I wanna fuck you Jihoon. In here. Right now.”

The bluntness of that statement is what eggs him on, gets him off his seat for a second to sitting on top of Daniel in the next. He kisses him in the way he knows Daniel likes, and he’s not disappointed when it’s properly reciprocated. A small gasp escapes him when the driver’s seat suddenly reclines a full one-eighty and he feels the fullness of Daniel's hard-on underneath him.

“Fuck, you’re so hot.”

“Shut up,” Jihoon manages to say, right before he dives back down and brings the both of them into pure bliss.

 

 

 

They somehow end up on Daniel’s bed after everything, and the first thing Jihoon does afterward is to instinctively leave its comforts in favor of cleaning himself up and gathering his clothes. Daniel doesn’t say anything and just lounges on his bed looking at him, because even though it’s their first time doing it here, the ending routine isn’t and shouldn’t be much different.

Jihoon at least has his boxers up and is just about to start buttoning his shirt when a loud crackle startles him, making him jump. A white flash follows and illuminates the room before another much louder blast of sound resonates around them in a signal of trouble.

“Shit.” He looks out the window to see the sudden lack of city lights that he’s sure was there earlier. Instead, he sees nothing but distorted darkness amidst the loud prattle of rain on glass.

“Looks bad out there,” Daniel comments idly, just as another flash of thunder claps and illuminates his toned body. “You sure you can get home in that?”

Jihoon turns to him then, and he curses in his head once he sees the playful look painted on Daniel’s face. If he didn’t know any better he would say he planned this whole thing, from inviting him to his home right down to the weather going bad just to get to this very moment. A quick look on his phone tells him that it’s already way past midnight, which means getting a cab just became next to impossible.

“Can you give me a ride?” Jihoon forces on an obviously fake smile. He’s run through the options in his head, deciding it better to just play Daniel’s game so he can get home.

“I thought you didn’t like getting rides from me?” He answers with a smug grin. Jihoon wants to punch him.

“Please, Daniel?”

His cheeks are starting to hurt, which tend to happen when smiling is the last thing he wants to be doing at the moment. He can see Daniel holding back a laugh, and Jihoon almost pounces on him when he shakes his head.

“I’m kinda tired, and I don't really feel like driving in the rain tonight. I just got my car washed,” he says shamelessly, a chuckle in his voice. “But you’re more than welcome to stay the night. I got enough room.”

“Fuck you.” The smile is off in an instant and his scowl is back on as he faces away from Daniel in search for his pants. He’s considering his options again, thinking that maybe he’d get better chances if he just waits by the building lobby for a cab to pass by or the rain to let off and—

Another and a much brighter flash of lightning lights up the room, and Jihoon swears he can feel the building shudder when this round of thunder moves. If the sound of the rain hitting the windows is anything to go by, then there’s absolutely no way he’s getting home dry tonight.

“My offer still stands,” Daniel offers cheekily, face still smug. “It’s just one night Hoonie, and we’ve pretty much done everything bad and dirty that can happen on a bed anyway, what’s wrong with you staying over?” he says matter-of-factly before raising an eyebrow. “What? Don’t tell me someone who’s as good in bed as you is afraid of a little cuddling?”

“Okay one, what the _fuck_ did you just call me?” Jihoon gives him a death glare, and Daniel only laughs. “And two. I do _not_ cuddle. And even if I did—which I _don’t_ —you’d be the last person on earth I’d be doing it with.”

“First in line to suck my dick tho—”

Jihoon shuts him up by throwing his pants on his face, and he wonders which wish he wants the universe the grant him more at this moment. For the rain to stop, or for the earth to swallow Daniel whole.

When another flash of lightning resounds, he starts to sigh in defeat. The more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense for him to just stay over. Daniel’s right anyway, sleeping is probably the _only_ thing they haven’t done in bed together, and he’s let the guy in his own apartment more than enough times already to trust that he won’t get his throat slit in the middle of the night.

Jihoon gives another hopeful look at the window, only to have his spirits dampened further. He can’t believe he’s doing this. This just can’t be happening.

“If I ever feel as much as a touch while I’m sleeping, you're losing a finger you hear me?”

Daniel’s either already immune to his intimidating personality, or he’s just overly happy for winning their little game this time. He literally bounces to the other side of the bed to make room for him, all the while staring with a huge grin on his face.

Jihoon plops himself back down on the bed, turning the opposite side and away from its owner. He tries his best to just fall into slumber by closing his eyes and clearing his head, but it proves to be a much harder feat than usual because, while Daniel may be lying two feet away from him, he can literally feel his eyes boring at the back of his head. It’s only a matter of time until—

“Can I ask you something?

If he had a penny for every time he’s proved himself right, he’d be a millionaire by now. “We’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“What do you do?” Daniel continues anyway, curiosity lacing his words. “I mean like, your job and all. What do you do for a living?”

Jihoon has about a dozen different responses to that, and none of which sound even the least bit nice. So he bites his tongue, keeping his silence and hoping that Daniel would just fucking go to bed.

He doesn’t of course.

“I work in marketing. At the ad firm a few blocks away from the bar we met at,” he says when Jihoon doesn’t answer, filling the silence himself. “It’s not exactly the most exciting job out there, but I like it enough. It’s fun, especially when I get a pitch taken by a big client. Plus, it pays well.”

Somehow that bit of information isn’t very hard to imagine. Jihoon can already see it, Daniel working on a desk eight to nine hours a day in a smart-casual getup. If he thinks about it, besides his exceptional skills in bed, Daniel’s just pretty much your average guy. Average looks, average brains; and Jihoon guesses that the luxuries he has like his car and this apartment were all probably gifts from his well-to-do parents, most likely after he graduated from university.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. With a face like yours, you could probably convince a devout to pay for condom ads.”

Jihoon meant it as a joke, as it’s so obviously dripping with sarcasm like most of his words do. But the tone Daniel uses next surprises him.

“I’m more than just a pretty face you know,” he says, and if Jihoon were to turn around he’d probably get to see the offended look on his face.

“I was kidding.”

He hears him scoff, the mattress moving a little with Daniel as he adjusts himself. “Yeah. Everyone is.”

There’s no doubt about it, and Jihoon doesn’t need to see to know that he said something wrong. He takes a peek over his shoulder and sees Daniel facing the other way now.

He should be relieved that he’s finally shut up and in a position to sleep now, but he’s not. Maybe it’s the slight guilt, or maybe it’s really just because of Daniel, but suddenly Jihoon feels more bothered by the fact that he’d offended him somewhat than if he were to answer his question.

“I make music.”

It takes a few seconds, and for a moment Jihoon thinks he’s too late and Daniel’s actually fallen asleep. But he comes back around, facing him a little with an eyebrow raised.

“Hm?”

“Music. That’s what I do. I umm…” He realizes then that he’s never had this kind of conversation before. He doesn’t really make a lot of friends besides the ones he already has, and when a new person comes to talk to him they mostly already know who he is and what he does. He’s never had to explain it to anyone before. “I compose my own songs and melodies. Then I post them online and I get revenue. Sometimes companies reach out to me if they want me to produce something for them, but my work is all mostly on piano so...yeah.”

Daniel looks to have promptly forgotten what Jihoon had said earlier, now smiling again and facing him with amazed eyes. “No wonder you have that expensive looking piano at your place. I didn’t think you actually—umm, well I assumed you knew how to play but I never imagined it’s in this big of a scale. That’s amazing.”

“It’s not _that_ big of a deal.” Jihoon shrugs. “I just make music and share it. And I’ve always been making music. It just so happens that I get paid for it now.”

“Which is precisely what makes it big and amazing.”

He snorts, shaking his head with a light frown. “I literally just write my pieces in my living room. There’s nothing _amazing_ about that. Just ordinary.”

“That sounds exactly like what a famous person would say.” Daniel smirks at him, and Jihoon doesn’t dare look because he knows it's contagious.

“I’m not famous.”

“Really?” He raises a playful eyebrow, challenging. “So if I google your name right now, there wouldn’t be a Wikipedia article about you?”

“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.” There is though, but he’s not telling Daniel that. “I’m just lucky people like my music. That’s all.”

“Luck doesn’t let you stay in that fancy apartment of yours. Not in this neighborhood.” Daniel shakes his head, chuckling. “Stop downplaying your talent.”

“You sound like my manager,” Jihoon says, unable to stop the smile that forms on his face. He can already imagine how Daehwi would react if he found out what he's been doing lately.

“I’d love to hear you play sometime,” Daniel says mid-yawn, a sign for Jihoon to turn the other way again and start getting comfortable. He too is starting to feel a little drowsy.

“Well so do the rest of other people. Get in line.”

“Aha! So you _are_ famous!”

“Goodnight Niel.” Jihoon’s eyes shoot open, suddenly very awake. He’s waiting for a reaction, but he just hears a small chuckle from behind him before the mattress moves again with Daniel's weight.

“Goodnight Hoonie.”

He gives his brain a few minutes in the quiet darkness to mull over what just came out of his mouth. Because there’s definitely no reasonable explanation that nickname to escape him as naturally as it did.

Only a few minutes, because he’s soon joining Daniel in the world of slumber.

 

 

 

Jihoon wakes up at five in the morning, the room chilly and slightly illuminated by the lights of dawn passing through the curtains of Daniel’s windows. The rain has stopped, with the water streaks and lingering dew on the glass being the only indication of it being there the night before.

He looks to his left to see that Daniel is still fast asleep, chest rising and falling steadily in a peaceful rhythm. Jihoon finds himself smiling at the scene, and maybe he stares at Daniel’s slightly parted lips for a bit longer than necessary but he still allows himself this small moment of serenity.

It’s fifteen minutes later when he’s dressed and ready to leave, but not before finding a pen and a pad to scribble on. He goes for a post-it he sees on Daniel’s desk and sticks it on his bedside, and he gives the sleeping man one last look before leaving the apartment quietly.

_‘Thanks for letting me stay the night. -hoonie’_

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Hey you know that new Marvel movie that’s coming out this Friday?” Woojin asks him over lunch two days later. It’s still well in their tradition to have a date at an American food restaurant once every two weeks. Today they’re having burgers and sausages.

“Yeah. Spiderman right?”

“Mhmm.” Woojin nods with a mouthful of food. “Guanlin thinks he can get tickets. I told him it’s practically next to impossible to get tickets for a Marvel movie on premiere day but of course he doesn’t listen.”

Jihoon chuckles at that, and immediately feels his phone vibrate with a notification in his pocket. He ignores it though, and just takes another bite of his food.

“So anyway, we’re all planning to go watch it if a miracle happens and he actually manages to buy them. You wanna come?” Woojin asks, and he puts his glass down for the next bit when he says, “Oh, and before you answer. Minhyun’s not coming. He says he’s got a thing that night so…”

Jihoon only nods. Out of all of his friends, he thinks it’s safe to say that Woojin is the best a treading around the topic whenever a specific person is involved. He’s straightforward, and doesn’t spare Jihoon the details he doesn’t need to hear.

He’s even about to say yes. But he pauses for a moment and looks down on his lap because his phone hasn’t stopped vibrating for a full minute.

“Uhh, hold that thought. Someone’s spamming me.”

His friend only chuckles, nodding at the phone. “I heard. That’s probably Jaehwan-hyung spazzing about something again.”

Except it isn’t, and because he’s expecting that it is, Jihoon fails to hide the surprise on his face when he sees Daniel’s name in all the messages.

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _Hi_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _So Im at work now_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _and I told my colleagues about you_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I mean, not about ‘you know what’. I just asked them if they knew any artist named Jihoon._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _which is hard by the way ‘cause why do I only realize now that I don’t even know your last name??_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _so anyway, just ‘Jihoon’ was pretty vague but then I said the word piano and holy shit??_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _Everyone here is still schooling me cause apparently, I’m the ONLY one in our entire department who doesn’t know you??_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I assumed you were a little famous but holy shit. I can’t believe I’m fucking a celebrity!!_

That last message on their previously empty chat box almost makes him choke, which gets him a weird look from his friend sitting across from him.

Jihoon’s about to type in a reply, but Daniel beats him to it.

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _so they finally stopped nagging me on how uneducated I am and showed me your spotify page._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _i think im gonna cry_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _you’re amazing!!_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _!!!!_

“Well, that can’t possibly be Jaehwan-hyung,” Woojin says, interrupting his moment. Jihoon looks up from his phone to see his friend with a smirking. “You have a stupid smile on your face.”

“No I don’t.” Jihoon frowns, but even as he says that, he can still feel the corners of his mouth itching to stay up.

“Who is it then?” Woojin raises an eyebrow, then subsequently leans forward and gapes. “Wait. Unless you’re telling me that it _is_ Jaehwan-hyung and your little crush on him is back?”

Now Jihoon chokes. “Yah! That was eight years ago! And we swore never to speak of that again!”

Woojin promptly laughs at the memory, with Jihoon following close after. “Well whoever this person is, give them my thanks. I haven’t seen you smile like this in a long time.”

Jihoon narrows his eyes at him, before taking a large bite off his sausage and saying, “Sure thing. I’ll make sure to tell your mom that.”

“Oh fuck you!”

 

 

 

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I think I listened to all your songs by now :O_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _You only found me on spotify yesterday._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _so?_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _aren’t you gonna ask what my favorite song is?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _You’re telling me either way. What’s even the point._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I really like ‘Promise’. And ‘Light’. But the one I really fell inlove with was ‘Beautiful’._

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Hmm. Interesting_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _You think you can play it for me sometime? :))_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _That depends. What do I get in return then?_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _oh I can think a few things ;)_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I guess you’re just going to have to show me then._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I guess so ;p_

 

 

 

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _Hey_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _?_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I’m learning quite a lot about you this week :))_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _...you sound like a psychopath._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _Hyung_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _What?_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _I’m your hyung. Your wiki page says you were born in 1999. Im older than you :))_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _That’s not my real birth year._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _really??_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Yes._

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _i dont believe you_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Okay :)_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _Youre so annoying you know that_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Whatever do you mean? :)))))_

 **_Kang Daniel:_ ** _ugh_

 

 

 

“God, you’re so _fucking_ hot.”

“Shut-uhh-up,” Jihoon pants, gripping harder on Daniel’s broad shoulders from where he’s straddling him before silencing him with a wet kiss.

“I-umpff...think the idea of you being a celeb—ugh—celebrity...is making me hornier,” Daniel says, equally panting and out of breath.

“I’m not-ungh—a celebrity. Can you just shut u-up and—ah fuck me.”

“I am—aren’t I?”

He even has the audacity to giggle, Jihoon thinks as he rides him harder, moving in sync with Daniel’s thrusts. And while he appreciates some dirty talk and maybe even having a conversation with the guy, _now_ really isn’t the time to be discussing his social status.

So he picks up his pace and moves with more vigour, eliciting a deep and breathy moan from beneath him that effectively shuts him up. Bute doesn’t stop there, because he still has one more card up his sleeve.

“Ah fuck—Jihoon!”

“H-hyung…”

It works like an incantation, because Daniel suddenly looks at him with absolute bewilderment and bucks his hip harder than before. Jihoon is then unceremoniously lifted and flipped so that he’s lying on the bed this time. Everything that happens after that becomes a blur, because all he sees is white as Daniel carries him into pure and utter ecstasy.

 

 

 

“I think my standards for sex just went up another bar,” Daniel says when they finish, lying on Jihoon’s bed bathing in sweat and post-coital bliss.

“Why do I feel like you say that to everyone you sleep with,” Jihoon answers playfully, turning on his side so he’s facing Daniel.

“I don’t sleep with just anyone you know. I’m not some random sex chaser.”

“Says the person who asked me to come home with him that first night at the bar.” Jihoon chuckles, smirking at Daniel’s expression.

“Hey, you were the one who kissed me first and seduced me! It’s not my fault I wanted to tap this.”

Daniel spanks him, making him jump a little and retaliate by squeezing his still softening member.

“Ah! Ah! Jihoon I’m still sore!”

Jihoon just laughs at him some more when gets his hand slapped away. He watches Daniel pout and act like a baby, all the while resisting the urge to run his hand down the other’s face and sweep the fringe from his eyes.

Wait—what?

He immediately stomps a mental foot down on the thought, stopping it before it can grow any further. Just like last week when he uttered that nickname for Daniel, it comes unbidden and disturbingly natural that he’s having these unwelcome ideas the he most definitely doesn’t want to put a label on .

“What’s on your mind?”

Jihoon startles a bit when he snaps out of his thoughts and refocuses on Daniel again, whose face is literally inches away from him. Now, that’s hardly anything to be worked up about considering they just fucked each other moments ago, but Jihoon is feeling it again when Daniel’s eyes roam his. The heat blossoming in his cheeks, the sudden spike in his heartbeat.

“Nothing. I’m just-umm...thinking of what to get for lunch tomorrow.”

Daniel chuckles in that airy way he does through his nose whenever he finds something funny, a habit that Jihoon begins to wonder as to when he’d started noticing.

“I guess that’s my cue to go then,” Daniel says half-heartedly, pulling away from the covers and getting ready to leave the bed to pick his clothes up.

What happens next is something Jihoon can’t think a reason out of or much less explain, because his hand suddenly flies from where it was on the bed and onto Daniel’s arm just as he’s getting up. He looks a little startled, but doesn’t do anything to question him. And maybe it’s just the after-sex hormones that are overtaking his brain when he suddenly says,

“Wait-umm...you don’t have to go. I mean, you can stay here for the night...if you want.”

Daniel just blinks at him, face unreadable in the dim light coming light from the windows. Jihoon immediately feels self aware for asking, instantly regretting his actions.

“You sure?”

This is the perfect time for him to back out and make an excuse. He could say that he was just kidding; let go of Daniel’s arm and tell him to go home like usual. It’s so easy, but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth when he thinks about it.

“Yeah, I mean...you let me stay at your place before. It’s only fair.” Jihoon shrugs, hoping it doesn’t come out as forced. He shrinks a little under Daniel’s gaze, and it’s the first time he feels those eyes of his become critical and scrutinizing. Eventually he smiles, lowering himself back down on the bed and joining Jihoon back under the covers.

“Okay...umm, thanks. I’m pretty tired. It’s nice to not have to drive back.”

Yeah. Nice. Jihoon only hums in acknowledgment, and now that Daniel’s back to being in near proximity, he desperately tries to think of something to occupy himself with.

“Can I ask you something?” He goes for something that’s been in the back of his mind all week now, and he tries not to get distracted when Daniel smiles and chuckles at him.

“We’re supposed to be sleeping,” he says, and Jihoon mockingly slaps his bare chest before looking serious again.

“Did I say something wrong to you last week? When I stayed over?” He watches Daniel’s smile turn into a confused expression, taking it as a good sign that whatever he could’ve said then at least wasn't taken to heart.

“Oh, you mean when we were talking about our jobs?”

“Umm, I think so.”

He can see Daniel pondering over it, before he flashes him another smile and pats his head. “It’s nothing Hoonie. Don't worry about it.”

“I wanna know. Tell me.” Jihoon pouts, poking a finger at Daniel’s arm.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Then it should be no problem for you to say it. Please hyung?”

Daniel eyes widen slightly with his breath catching in his throat. When he finally lets out a sigh, Jihoon knows he’s won.

“Alright, alright,” he says, rolling his eyes when Jihoon smirks. “I was just being petty. I don’t really like it when people imply that I can get everything I want because of how I look, that’s all.“

“Oh.” Jihoon didn’t know what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t that. “I’m sorry I said—”

“No, no. You don’t have to apologize.” Daniel breathes out reassuringly. “It’s just...it’s just mostly bottled-up work stress.”

“Care to share it then?” He offers, and it’s not just out of politeness. Jihoon genuinely wants to know.

“It’s just—I’m not bragging but I can be really good at my job sometimes, and my boss knows that. But sometimes when I get assigned big clients, some of the people at work can get a little...competitive.” Daniel bites his lip, eyes averting Jihoon’s. “They make it apparent to me and everyone else that the major reason I can sell my pitches is because I can charm and woo my way into a client’s pants.”

Jihoon’s first instinct is to sarcastically answer with ‘don’t you?’, until he bites his tongue with guilt. All too soon he knows what Daniel means.

“I work hard at the office to get to where I am. Sure I flirt and play around sometimes, but most people seem to think that it’s _all_ I ever do.”

Jihoon thinks back to when they first met at the bar, their little snippet of a conversation popping in his head where he witnessed how genuine Daniel can be. He didn’t really care too much about it at the time, but hearing his words now make it clear that he’s more than what his first impression shows.

“Thank you for telling me,” Jihoon says quietly, and he gets a small smile in return.

“So you mean to tell me that you, cold-hearted Park Jihoon, actually kept me in your thoughts for an entire week over something you thought had offended me?”

Jihoon can feel his cheeks warming again, so much that he’s afraid Daniel would be able to see it this time. So he does his best at hiding by grabbing a pillow and shoving it at Daniel’s face.

“Say that again and I’ll throw you out the window.”

Daniel just laughs at him, with his contagious bunny-smile that has Jihoon cracking as well. When he starts to yawn a few minutes later, Daniel just gives him a—Jihoon would say fond, but he’s not too sure—look and cozies up closer to him.

“Time to sleep,” he says, his voice a mere whisper. “G’night Hoonie.”

Jihoon’s eyes are already drooping, his mind so laden with incoming sleep that he doesn't’ even think twice when he answers. “Goodnight, Niel-hyung.”

And maybe he doesn’t really feel it because tiredness has overtaken his senses—or maybe he just doesn’t mind—when Daniel rests a hand on his hip and he doesn’t do anything to swat it away.

 

 

 

Jihoon wakes up the next morning to a grumbling stomach and with more room on his king sized bed than he remembers. He reaches for his phone by his bedside and only just realizes that he’s alone. It isn’t even out of the ordinary. Jihoon has been waking up alone every day for the past two years, no problem. So why does he suddenly feel a tinge of disappointment now?

The feeling only escalates when he sees that the only notifications on his phone are from Woojin and the others with photos from their attempted movie night (they ended up watching something else because who even gets tickets to a Marvel movie on premiere night?). So Jihoon looks around his room for something he’s not too sure he’ll even find. A note, an open notebook, _something_ for Daniel to have written on to tell him that he left already.

His stomach growls just in time, a good distraction because he doesn’t think he wants to feel the full weight of disappointment in his system right now. Instead he grabs a pair of boxers and a loose shirt from his closet, with the food delivery app already open on his phone as he steps out of his room to order breakfast.

The smell is the first thing to hit him, making him stop in his tracks in a moment of groggy, early-morning confusion. His apartment _never_ smells like anything. Daehwi has said on more than one occasion that his place distinctively smells of him, but Jihoon’s pretty sure this isn’t what he meant. Because why in the world does it suddenly smell like—is that butter?—on a Saturday morning?

It feels weird having to tiptoe and sneak quietly inside his own home just to get to the kitchen where Jihoon assumes is the source of things. He can hear sounds of cooking as he gets closer, and he relaxes a little knowing that whatever’s happening is no cause for alarm. He’s proven wrong when he turns the corner, because out of everything he was expecting to see a shirtless man definitely wasn’t on the list.

“What are you doing?”

Daniel is facing the stove away and with his back to him, so he didn’t notice Jihoon’s entry which makes him jump at the sound of his voice.  “Fuck! Don’t snea—oh, hi! Good morning,” he says with a wave of his spatula holding hand, looking like a little kid caught stealing candy. “Umm..sorry I kinda got hungry. So I went ahead and started making us breakfast. I hope you don’t mind.”

Jihoon stays rooted in his place at the kitchen’s entryway in complete shock. He doesn’t know what to do with the information in front of him, so he tallies it up in his head in an attempt to make some sense of the situation compose himself.

For starters, Daniel is half naked. _Half naked_ in broad daylight. It just occurs to him that despite having fucked the guy multiple times in the past month, they’ve never really made it past sunrise together for him to appreciate this view. He’s literally seeing him under a new light for the very first time. He knows Daniel works out, and he knows how packed he is with regards to that detail. But the way the sun coming from the windows is hitting him just now is short-circuiting a nerve in Jihoon’s brain.

Not only that, but Daniel is half-naked _and_ cooking. In his kitchen.

“Umm, Jihoon?”

“Huh?”

“You okay there?” Daniel raises an eyebrow at him, a wary smile on his lips. Jihoon can feel himself blushing again, blinking twice before he snaps out of it and makes his way to a stool on the island counter.

“Uhh, yeah it’s fine. You just surprised me.” He diverts his eyes over to a spot on the wall to avoid the playful smirk he’s sure Daniel’s giving him. “So, what are you making?”

“Pancakes!” Daniel says, turning back around on the stove.

“You went down to the store?” Jihoon questions, a little confused. “I don’t remember having any pancake mixes on me.”

Daniel doesn’t answer immediately and only turns back to him after he’s turned off the stove. He smugly puts two freshly stacked pancakes in front of Jihoon, which he has to admit, looks and smells amazing.

“I was rummaging through your pantry. You had some pancake ingredients so I just made them from scratch,” he says, leaving Jihoon for a moment to grab an unopened carton of orange juice he doesn’t even remember having in the fridge. He’s left a little baffled again, knowing Daniel can actually cook—and how it looks so natural for him to be walking around Jihoon’s own kitchen.

“What are you waiting for? Eat up.”

“Umm, right.” He picks up his fork and goes to cut his first piece just as Daniel stands opposite of him on the other side of the counter. He’s about to take a bite, but then Daniel suddenly has his own fork pointed in front of him. Jihoon must be totally out of it this morning because he doesn’t even hesitate when he instead bites the piece Daniel is offering him.

“How is it?”

Jihon ought to save what little pride he has left of this morning’s events, but it’s near next to impossible to stop the smile that forms on his face when he tastes what Daniel made. The hunger is probably making his brain exaggerate things, but that was without a doubt _the_ best pancake he’s ever put in his mouth.

“It’s good,” he says, nodding and taking another bite in an attempt to hide the ridiculous grin he feels forming. “Umm, thank you. For cooking. I rarely get to eat food that’s actually cooked in this kitchen.”

“You don’t cook for yourself?” Daniel asks mid-chew before Jihoon shakes his head.

“Not if you count instant ramen. I’m not much of a cook. I’m either eating out or getting food delivered on a normal day.”

“You should get a boyfriend who can cook for you then.”

The fork holding a chunk of pancake pauses in mid-air on its way to Jihoon’s mouth. He looks at Daniel, who’s forking at his own plate of food so casually as if what he said was as normal as talking about the weather.

“I don’t do boyfriends,” he says, unable to stop himself.

“Why not?”

It’s so obvious to Jihoon that Daniel’s doing his best to hide his curiosity. He knows where a conversation like this is going, and he normally won’t even answer these types of questions. But Daniel _did_ just make him what’s probably the best breakfast he’s ever had, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to humor him.

“I don’t believe in love,” he answers in the same casual tone, eyes never leaving the other as he sips from his glass of orange juice.

He expects Daniel to ask another question, like everyone else he’s said the very same phrase to. At the very least he expects a laugh or a refute, which is not what Daniel is doing right now. He’s matching his gaze with the same scrutinizing eyes from last night. The ones that make Jihoon feel is boring into his soul.

“Maybe you just haven’t experienced the right kind yet,” he answers after a heavy pause before he goes back to eating.

And maybe it’s the nonchalance of his answer that has Jihoon thinking—and just _slightly_ considering _—_ that Daniel may have a point.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you gush over your phone so much.”

“Hyung, you’re going to get run over if you keep texting while walking.”

“Yeah.” Jihoon just absently mumbles to Jaehwan and Guanlin, eyes never leaving his phone. Daniel has been sending him a barrage of random memes for the past ten minutes while he walks with his friends to their usual coffee shop.

“See Guanlin, he’s not even listening to us,” Jaehwan says. “Hey, Jihoon, you’re buying us coffee right?”

“Fuck you hyung,” he answers back, getting snickers from the both of them while he laughs at the funny selfie Daniel just sent him.

 **_Niel:_ ** _send me a selfie too :P_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _can’t right now, I’m walking with my friends._

 **_Niel:_ ** _shouldn’t you be walking while texting?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _shouldn’t ‘you’ be working??_

 **_Niel:_ ** _im on my break :)_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _it’s 4 in the afternoon. Who takes a break at 4 in the afternoon_

 **_Niel:_ ** _ive been crazy busy all morning. Only getting my lunch now T_T_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _oh._

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _you should eat a lot then_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _and drink lots of water_

“Who’s Niel?”

Jihoon jumps and almost drops his phone when he turns around and sees Jaehwan curiously peeking at his screen. “N-no one. Just an old friend. From high school.”

“I thought Samuel was your _only_ friend from high school?” Guanlin says with furrowed brows. Jihoon almost forgot that they went to the same school together.

“And why are your ears turning red?” Jaehwan goads him with a mischievous look on his face. “And to think I almost didn’t believe Woojin when he told us how you were acting weird the other week when you two went out. Is our little Jihoonie seeing somebody?”

It’s pretty normal for Jihoon to have urges to punch Jaehwan in the face every now and then, but the urge has never been as strong as it is in that moment. He’s just about to give what’s probably the lamest excuse about who Daniel is, until he realizes that they’ve already reached their destination.

From their place on the sidewalk, he can clearly see from the window the person sitting inside just by the corner booth of the small cafe. Even after all this time, his eyes are still trained to instantly gravitate toward _him_ . There can be a hundred people in a room and Jihoon would still be able to tell him apart from the rest. It’s probably the result of years of pining, of constantly admiring Minhyun from a friendly distance that gave him this uncanny ability. It’s one skill he had always taken pride in until it proved to be _too_ good—because then it became a curse.

“What’s going on?” His tone immediately goes from bashful playfulness to threateningly serious. He looks at Jaehwan, who’s brows dip slightly in confusion but is still otherwise sporting the same annoying smile. And then Guanlin—

One look at Guanlin tells him everything he needs to know. He never was a good liar, looking like an ashamed puppy caught after chewing the heck out of an expensive shoe. It’s the face that normally makes Jihoon instinctively protective towards his dongsaeng but at that moment, all he feels is white-hot anger.

“You two can just fuck yourselves.” He lashes out before turning back around the sidewalk to head the other way.

“Jihoon, wait—”

“Don’t touch me.” He harshly pulls his arm away from Jaehwan’s grasp, seething. He doesn’t allow himself to feel bad when he sees that both his friends look a little hurt from the way he’s acting.

“He just wants to ask you something hyung,” Guanlin says ruefully. “It’s just about work and—”

“I don’t _fucking care_ what he has to say to me Guanlin. And if you two were ever really my friends, you’d know better than to pull a stunt like this.” He avoids the wounded look in their eyes which is a mistake. Because in doing so, his gaze lands on Minhyun, only this time he’s noticed them from his seat inside and locks eyes with him. It only takes Jihoon a millisecond to feel like he’s choking before he pushes himself to walk as fast as he can away from the scene.

 

 

 

 **_Niel:_ ** _hey are you busy tonight?_

Jihoon reads and rereads the message six times in the span of ten minutes from his place on the couch, wondering why on earth Daniel is asking that in the middle of a Wednesday. He honestly isn’t in the mood to answer, since he’s still stewing over Guanlin and Jaehwan’s _betrayal_ two days ago. He’s about to put his phone down and ignore him, but another ping makes him stop with just more curiosity.

 **_Niel:_ ** _can I come over? I know it isn’t friday yet but i really wanna see you right now. If that’s okay._

The last message makes his pulse flutter just a tad bit more than it should. Maybe having Daniel for company wouldn’t be such a terrible idea. He’s been using him as a distraction from his general loneliness anyway, so why not other things?

At least that’s how Jihoon justifies it when he types in his reply.

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Sure._

 

 

 

His door rings at just a little past eight, and Jihoon couldn’t have paused the show he was streaming faster than he did. Maybe it’s because of the odd day, because he makes a brief pause to look at himself in the full length mirror when he passes by it in the hallway. He suddenly feels a little self-conscious that he’s just wearing sweats and that the hair on his head is sticking all over the place. He regrets not thinking it through because now Daniel's already by the door in what he presumes is his work clothes.

“Hi.” Jihoon’s met with his signature bunny smile as the other gives a small wave and raises the brown paper bag he’s holding. “I brought chicken!”

“Wow. Umm—” Jihoon just blinks, honestly at a loss for words. “—okay. Come in.”

“I didn’t know whether you like spicy or not. So I got both,” Daniel says when they’ve settled at the kitchen bar, taking out the two boxes of chicken he brought.

“Either’s fine. But you honestly didn’t have to go through the trouble,” he says more out of politeness than anything. Deep down Jihoon can’t wait to devour all the chicken being presented in front of him.

“Yeah well, I’m gatecrashing.” Daniel smiles sheepishly. “Sorry again if I’m bothering you like this. I don’t really know what musicians like you do on a normal weeknight and—”

“You’re not bothering anyone, it’s fine. And you’re welcome to come over anytime. No big deal.” He doesn't exactly know how or when he started thinking that it's okay for Daniel to come over as he pleases, but he finds that he actually means what he says. He's probably just feeling a little delusional with all the chicken in front of him, so he finally caves to his desires and takes a leg. “So did you come here straight from work?

Daniel nods, following suit and taking a piece for himself. Jihoon can see the hint of a lingering smile on his face when he takes his first bite. “Okay I can’t hold it in anymore,” he suddenly says, his smile growing larger. “I just got promoted!”

Tonight is turning into one surprise after another, and it's honestly so shocking to Jihoon that he actually stops eating for a moment and puts down his chicken leg. Not because of Daniel’s news, but because Jihoon actually, _legitimately_ , feels happy for him.

“Really? That’s great!”

“It’s awesome!” Daniel grins, looking excited. “We were pitching for a year long campaign for this huge company and they chose _my_ idea as the forefront! And get this, the CEO himself was the one who said he wanted to work on my proposal, which is amazing ‘cause usually when we do these type of things, it’s just a meeting with an account executive, not with the _entire_ board!”

“Wow,” Jihoon says as he listens to Daniel’s excitement, and again, he actually means it. He knows first hand how it feels like to put yourself in front of others in hopes they like what you have to say. “You must’ve been nervous.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Daniel shakes his head, chuckling. “But I worked _so_ hard on what I did. It still all feels so surreal to me.”

Jihoon can relate to that too, and suddenly he’s reminded of how it all was for him before when he was just starting out with his music.

“Congratulations then,” he says, raising his chicken leg and putting it up to toast with him.

“Thanks. I’m not boring you am I? I mean, now that I think about it, me coming over just to tell you about work sounds kinda lame,” Daniel says, his excitement deflating into sounding a little shy.

“No, it’s not.” Jihoon snorts at him, earning him a small smile. “Tell me more. What did your jealous co-workers look like when they found out?”

It’s enough to spark the excitement back and get Daniel started again, relaying to Jihoon everything that went down before and after his meeting today; going into detail on how he’d been working late nights and was basically running on coffee for the past two weeks just to prepare for today. How everyone in the entire boardroom looked so impressed with him during his presentation, up to the moment his boss called him up before leaving the office to give him his good news.

Jihoon takes it all in—the enthusiasm, the glee—that he doesn’t even realize that in the short amount of time it took for Daniel to tell him all this, he’s managed to completely forget about Jaehwan, Guanlin, and Minhyun. Instead, the sound of his spirited voice fills his ears, overwhelming his senses with the recounting of his day over fried chicken.

When the food is all but gone and only chicken bones litter the table between them (a bigger pile is on Jihoon’s side), he’s suddenly hit with an urge, an idea, to make the night even better.

“Hey, go wash your hands. Follow me,” Jihoon says, getting up from the kitchen stool and padding over to the living room. He doesn't wait for Daniel and just heads straight to sit down on his piano bench, stretching his fingers a bit and looking behind him to see Daniel wiping his hands on his pant legs and eyeing him with a silent question.

“You said you wanted to hear me play right?” Jihoon says, patting the space next to him.

“For real?” Daniel instantly smiles, going over to sit beside him. “I thought you said to get in line and wait for your live shows?”

“Well, you deserve a little something for working so hard all week.”

Daniel chuckles a little, his breath tickling the skin on Jihoon’s right shoulder. “Funny you should say that. You know the whole time I was cramming on this project, your music was all that I listened to. So in a way, _you_ kinda helped me get through all this.”

“Hm.” Jihoon purses his lips together. He’s used to getting compliments, to the point that it’s numbed him somewhat of the splendor entirely. But hearing Daniel’s words and knowing that little detail brings back memories of the early days on how it used to feel like when people told him that they love his work.

He focuses on the feeling, lets it run its course through his veins and revels in it. He takes one last peek at Daniel and saves the image of the small expectant smile he has in his mind—his heart—before he finally puts a finger to the keys.

When he called Daniel here earlier, he was only planning to play him the song he said he loved most. He was only going to play him ‘Beautiful’, and maybe throw in a few off-the-cuff notes to make it more special but that was it for the most part. Sitting there now, however, is steering him to a different direction entirely. The force of the moment, the electricity in the air—Jihoon’s suddenly overtaken by it all in a wave of inspiration.

He lets his fingers flow through the keys, the familiar smoothness he feels helping with the unfamiliarity of the notes he’s plucking. A base chord, a melody, he builds them up and morphs it into a rhythm that feels just _right_. He doesn't know what direction the song is going, but he knows the steps it’s going to take. It's not a lively song, nothing too upbeat and intense, nor is it too melancholic. It's a slow rhythm that Jihoon feels is directly translatable to how he perceives Daniel in the time he's known him. Easy-going and full of lightness, but with a clear depth that's strong and genuine. Hopeful.

He can feel Daniel’s presence from beside him, watching silently as he brings him along for the ride. He can sense his bated breath, the stillness of his posture as he takes in the music Jihoon’s pouring out. IT’s all these things combined that lets him know what note to hit next and what pattern to drive the melody to. It’s all purely _Daniel_ , up until what feels to be the end of the song.

When the final note hits and the ensuing silence follows, Jihoon just basks in what he’s made and lets the final vestiges of the feeling seep off his skin. He’s never done this—never _felt_ this—in a very long time; crafting a new song from beginning to end in just one sitting. Playing it for someone to hear for the first time other than himself.

“Wow.” Daniel finally breathes out, his voice quiet. “That was...I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t think there’s a word for it. ”

“That’s as good a compliment as any,” Jihoon says, lightly chuckling.

“What’s it called? I don’t remember hearing that on your Spotify page.”

“That’s because it isn’t there.” He shakes his head, still feeling a little dazed. “And it isn’t called anything yet either. I sorta just...came up with it now.”

“You’re shitting me.” Daniel turns in his seat, surprised.

Jihoon gulps when the melody finally escapes his body and a new feeling of realization starts to sink in. Looking at Daniel now with their eyes locked on each other, it all starts to make sense to him. The reason why the piece he just played came out so naturally, the reason why he finds composing music much more easier these days. The reason why he’s starting to call him ‘Niel’ and why he's reached the point of asking him to sleep over at his place.

“I wish I was,” Jihoon answers quietly, the sudden tinge of dread he’s feeling tamped down by Daniel’s smile.

“That’s amazing. _You’re_ amazing.”

Jihoon knows what’s happening. He isn’t an ignorant teenager anymore to deny what’s so clearly unfolding within him. Easily forgetting about the thing with Jaehwan and Guanlin. Cheeks feeling warm over words which are otherwise just normal compliments for him. Chest palpitating every time Daniel shows off his bunny smile a little too close to his face.

“Oh shit, the time,” Daniel suddenly says, looking at the wall clock. It’s already half-past midnight. “Sorry, I didn't notice. I should go, I don’t wanna keep you up and—”

“It’s okay.” Jihoon finds himself saying, a hand going over to Daniel’s arm. “You can stay. Please stay.”

It’s strange to him, how he doesn’t seem to mind that he’s willingly making himself vulnerable in that moment. It’s hard not to really, when Daniel is there radiating so much warmth and slowly nodding at his request without hesitation.

“Okay,” he says, relaxing in his touch. And Jihoon revels in the strangeness of why he doesn’t seem to mind that he’s possibly falling for the guy in front of him.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Jihoon slurps a mouthful of ramen, the sound audible in the little booth of the Japanese restaurant they're dining at. Woojin follows suit next to him, obviously indifferent as to why his other two friends aren’t touching their food.

“Eat up. Your noodles will swell,” Jihoon says to Jaehwan and Guanlin, who just continue to stare at him.

“Why are you treating us to lunch?” Jaehwan finally asks, voicing out his uncertainty. “I mean, not that I mind but—”

“Jaehwan hyung, if I were you and am presented with a huge bowl of ramen—that’s _free,_ by the way—I wouldn’t question it and just start eating,” Woojin says, ending his food-muffled sentence with a slurp.

“But this is Jihoon-hyung we’re talking about. He could’ve asked the waiters to put rat poison in our soup.”

“Yah! You ungrateful brat!” Jihoon turns to Guanlin in mock affront. “Is this the attitude I get for trying to be nice and apologetic to you guys?”

They all just stare at him, even Woojin who’s stopped his shameless gorging. He wasn’t even supposed to be part of the free lunch package and Jihoon just brought him along so the tension wouldn’t be too awkward.

Jihoon sighs, putting his chopsticks down neatly on top of his bowl to face the two in front of him. “Look. I was a jerk, okay? That thing you did with Minhyun was shitty but it didn’t mean I get say the things I said. So, I’m sorry.”

So much for avoiding awkwardness. Jihoon feels like he just ran a marathon with the way his heart is racing. It’s even worse when all his friends are dead silent and still.

“Okay, now I’m even more scared to eat my ramen,” Guanlin says, cutting the tension to which Jaehwan nods along with.

“Yeah. Who are you and what did you do to Jihoon?”

“I don't know about you guys, but I for one am more surprised over the fact that this is probably the first time he’s said Minhyun-hyung’s name in years.” Woojin pipes in. The bastard is even smirking. “Are we finally past the ‘he-who-shall-not-be-named’ phase?”

They all laugh, much to Jihoon’s dismay, but it’s fine so as long as Jaehwan is bordering on hysterical and Guanlin’s face looks like it’s about to rip itself in half from his grin. Despite his chagrin, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Fuck you. This is the last time I’m treating you all to lunch,” he says, the bite of his threat disappearing behind his smile before they all go back to eating their food.

Fixing things with Jaehwan and Guanlin was only half the ordeal though, and it’s his mistake for not having anticipated the other half that came after him by Friday. The reason why Minhyun, who after years of respecting the silent pact he’s had with Jihoon, just suddenly sought out Jaehwan and Guanlin in the first place to coerce them to talk.

“No,” Jihoon says firmly on the phone he’s gripping with a white-knuckled hand.

_“What do you mean ‘no’?”_

“It means exactly what it means Daehwi. I’m not doing it.” He could hear his friend slash manager sighing exasperatedly on the other end just as the bell to his apartment rings. Daniel’s here.

_“Is there something wrong with your phone or did you just not hear what I said. This is a huge opportunity hyung, you should be excited!”_

“Well I’m not—” Jihoon opens the door to a smiling Daniel, tipping his head to motion him inside. “—And I don’t _care_ if this a huge thing or not. I’m not doing it.”

_“Why not.”_

Jihoon could practically taste the sarcasm and sass seeping off his friend. “You know very well why not.”

 _“Because of Minhyun-hyung. Okay, point established. Now can you give me a more_ valid _reason other than you being a big baby?”_

He grinds his teeth and rubs at the bridge of his nose. Daniel’s looking at him from the kitchen counter where he’s setting up the boxes of chicken he brought and looking a little concerned.

“What’s it to you anyway? This is my decision and I’m saying no!”

 _“Well your decision is stupid and it’s_ my _job to stop you from making them. I get it, hell we all get it. You hate him but can you please for once in your life stop being stubborn and just be professional about this?”_

He rarely ever gets into arguments with Daehwi, much less raise voices at each other. The conversation is just giving him a headache. “I’m not changing my mind Daehwi. I’m not doing this.”

_“Then I guess you’re just going to have to suck it up Jihoon. Because I already signed the contract on your behalf and you’re doing this whether you can get past the idea of Minhyun-hyung helping you or not.”_

Jihoon thinks he just popped a nerve, and even Daniel jumps when he shouts, “You what?!”

_“Maybe this will finally teach you to grow up because honestly, it’s getting really tiring. There’s only so much we can indulge you with over your inability to move on from your breakup and—”_

Jihoon cuts the call and hangs up, ears hot and fuming. He’s reached the point of wanting to actually throw his phone against the wall in frustration, and he really would’ve if Daniel’s broad body wasn’t suddenly in front of his face.

“Everything okay?” He sounds worried, and Jihoon honestly wants to say that everything _is_ okay but it isn’t. Not when he feels like he’s choking in his own breath. Not when his chest feels like a vice on his heart.

He grabs Daniel by the collar and pulls him in for a rough, wet kiss. He’s met with surprise, but Jihoon doesn’t care. All he wants right now is to forget the conversation he just had—dilute it with something else.

“Jihoo-ooompff—” Daniel’s words die on their mouths when he’s pushed back on the couch with Jihoon straddling his lap. He kisses him deeper, and groans when Daniel breaks contact and holds him at arm's length.

“Why are you stopping?” Jihoon sounds breathless, his chest still hurting when Daniel just shakes his head.

“This—this doesn’t feel right.”

“It’s just sex Daniel. What about it doesn’t feel right?”

But he just shakes his head again, looking defeated. “Not like this Hoonie.”

The nickname just annoys him more and they stare each other off: Daniel’s worried eyes versus Jihoon’s scowl. He’s never been denied of sex before. Ever. And the fact that Daniel of all people is the one cockblocking him right now is just adding more to his frustration and growing chest ache.

“Fine,” he says, stepping off from his lap and stomping to his room to grab his coat.

“Where are you going?”

“If you’re not going to give me what I need then I’ll just find someone else who will.”

He doesn’t miss the pained look on Daniel’s face when he starts heading for the door to leave his apartment. Anyway he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything right now.

Jihoon’s just about to pick up the first shoe from his rack to put on when he feels himself being pulled back. He ends up being enveloped in strong, sturdy arms, face against a chest he’s all too familiar with.

“What the fuck are you doing? Let me go!”

But Daniel doesn’t budge. Doesn’t answer. He just holds him tighter despite Jihoon slapping his back.

“I said let go! Daniel if you don’t _fucking_ let me go this second I’ll—” He’s betrayed by his own voice, breaking midway followed by a sharp intake of breath.

Jihoon was about to say something, but then he’s gasping for air and it’s suddenly impossible to speak. It takes him a moment to realize that he’s actually sobbing, and that the warmth he feels on his face are hot tears falling freely down his cheeks in an unwarranted wave.

“Niel—” He tries saying again, but it ends up lost and sounding more like a choke than actual speech. This can’t be happening. Jihoon’s never cried in a long, _long_ time, and the act of it now is so strange and foreign that he doesn’t even know what to do with himself. The tears won't stop and his sobs aren’t making things better so he settles with the only thing he _can_ do and just buries his face on Daniel’s chest.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He feels Daniel’s hands running circles down his back, soothing him. And even though it’s merely a cascade of silent tears and uncontrollable sobbing, it feels good that for the first time, he lets it all out.

 

 

 

They’re sitting on the living room carpet an hour later, a box of fried chicken wings and two iced lattes on the coffee table between them serving as the only witnesses to tonight's events. Daniel had just finished eating his half of the box (sixty to forty ratio) and is simply sipping away at his drink.

“Stop looking at me like that.” It's awkward, at least for Jihoon. He’d recently just started calming down from his earlier breakdown.

“Like what?”

He directs at frown at him, refusing to give him an answer and taking a bite of his chicken instead to stay quiet while Daniel just smirks at him. The silence stretches, and Jihoon takes his time eating. He’s not being forced to say anything, but it sure feels that way with how quiet Daniel is being. Jihoon’s sort of half-hoping for him to get bored and just leave, only so that he wouldn’t have to face him right then.

“That was my manager on the phone.” He breathes out slowly, eyes locked on the pile chicken bones in front of him. “Apparently, I just got offered to be the lead composer for an upcoming drama by SBS.”

“What?” Daniel’s eyes blow up at that, slightly choking on his drink before he puts it down on the table with a soft thud. “That’s great news...right?”

“In a way.” Jihoon just shrugs when he answers, bracing himself. “My ex-boyfriend works at SBS though, and I’m willing to bet everything I own that he’s had something to do with this.”

He can’t even do a good job of containing the venom in his voice at the mere mention of Minhyun. The idea of it is too infuriating that he even finds his fists clenched on his lap underneath the table.

“So...you don’t want the job because your ex is there?” Daniel raises an eyebrow. Curious at least. Not condescending.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with him, even if it means passing up an opportunity like this. I don’t need his help...not with anything.” The conversation with Daehwi is coming back up again, and he tries to calm himself by taking deep breaths. “I know I’m being petty and immature, but I just can’t stand it. Not when he’s involved.”

Daniel just gives him  a small worried smile. One look at him and Jihoon can already see the unspoken question forming in his eyes.

“You wanna know why I hate him so much don’t you,” Jihoon says ahead of him, watching him stutter.

“Umm, a little...but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I understand.”

Jihoon nods, a slight conflict brewing at the front of his mind. He’s never told anyone what happened between him and Minhyun, ever. Mostly because there’s no one to tell it to seeing as his friends know about it even without asking. It feels strange that he sort of wants Daniel to know too, and whether it’s the result of his crying earlier or from the growing feelings he’s trying to bury and keep in check, he doesn’t know. More surprisingly. He doesn’t care.

“He cheated on me,” he says after some time, and Jihoon lets himself feel the weight of his own words travel through his system. It just occurs to him that he’s never said that out loud before, to anyone, but he doesn’t stop. “He was my first boyfriend. We were together for three years until I caught him kissing another guy in a bar.”

It’s not really the big an information to swallow, Jihoon thinks. People cheat on other people all the time these days, so he’s not too surprised when Daniel just nods at him.

“Is that why you said you don’t believe in love anymore?”

Jihoon snorts, shrugging. “My friends always tell me that I never really moved on from it, and I guess that’s partly true. We broke up two years ago but I’ve never really been able to forgive him.” He shakes his head, malice ebbing away in place of his pent up thoughts.

“I hate him, actually. I hate him so much that I can’t even stand the idea of him doing me favors like this. I hate that he just gets go away with what he did without all the baggage I’m left with and I hate that my friends had so easily forgiven him only two months after the incident. And now they have the gall to tell me that I’m being stubborn and immature for not getting past what happened as if _I’m_ the bad guy.”

Jihoon feels something wet tracing the line of his face when he finishes, instantly regretting ever going on a rant and looking so weak. He quickly brings a hand up to wipe the stray tear away but Daniel beats him to it, brushing it with his thumb and cupping his cheek afterwards. Jihoon doesn’t know when he shifted places and sat next to him, but somehow he feels a little lighter, better, at his touch.

“Moving on doesn’t always mean having to forgive someone,” he starts, voice low and quiet. “Sometimes you just have to let yourself be okay with what’s happened. Learning from it without having to close in on yourself.”

Then Daniel does something Jihoon isn’t expecting. With a hand on his cheek, he leans forward and plants a soft, long kiss on his lips. His eyes close and he feels it, the monumental difference in the exchange. They’ve kissed before, plenty of times even, but this is the first time their lips connect without there being a need to do so. They’re not pleasuring each other or flirting; Daniel’s kissing him because he merely wants to.

Jihoon feels the familiar warmth blossoming in his chest, spreading to the surface of his skin. It’s so overwhelming this time, a lot stronger than the last few times it flared up that he has to remind himself to breathe. When he does it’s no better, because being this close to Daniel is completely intoxicating his senses. He feels it rising up again; the feeling he’s tried so hard to contain, to conceal, that ultimately excites him and terrifies him at the same time.

When Daniel pulls back, Jihoon involuntarily follows the trail his lips leave behind, not even aware that he too was kissing him back. His heart feels like a raging animal, and he would look down out of shyness if Daniel’s hand wasn’t holding his cheek in place.

“I think you should take the job. But not because your ex or your manager is telling you to,” Daniel says in the same quiet tone, holding Jihoon’s gaze intently. “But because you love music. And you shouldn’t let your hate for anyone stop you from doing what you love.”

It’s only a few words, and he’s known Daniel in a lot less time than he did his best friends. But somehow it’s him that makes Jihoon reconsider, rethink, and eventually nod in agreement.

“And for the record, you’re not alone in hating your ex,” Daniel says, the usual lightness back in his voice. “We can hate him together. I think he’s a terrible human being and an idiot for hurting you like that.”

At that he actually laughs, elbowing Daniel on the rib before resting his head on his shoulder. “If I get caught accidentally pushing my ex-boyfriend out a high-rise window on the SBS network building, I’m putting you as an accomplice to murder.”

“Really? I’d be honored then.” He laughs with him, and Jihoon can feel the smile on his cheek when he in turn rests his head on top of his.

They don’t have sex that night, a contradicting first compared to all the Fridays they’ve spent since meeting each other. Daniel merely stays over, and while there’s still a few inches of space between them on the bed like usual, Jihoon thinks he won’t mind it this time if one of them happens to cross the line in the middle of the night.

“Niel?”

“Hng?” comes Daniel’s groggy reply, already half-asleep.

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

Jihoon doesn’t think he’s ever slept as well as the night before in his entire life. He stretches his arm towards the space next to him before opening his eyes, feeling for someone but ends up empty-handed. This time the disappointment doesn’t make its way to his system because as soon as his eyes flutter open, he sees Daniel’s work clothes still hanging by his closet door, his backpack on the floor next to it. He feels a tingle inside him, and he allows the silly smile to form on his face when he thinks about how Daniel’s probably cooking them breakfast again right now.

He gets up from bed a minute later and quietly pads his way outside the bedroom. Feeling a little playful, he foregoes putting on something to wear thinking to maybe tease Daniel a little and just walks butt-naked towards the kitchen. This morning smells like eggs and bacon. Jihoon’s already salivating.

“Niel?” He calls out before turning the corner, stopping in his tracks a split-second later when he sees the scene in the kitchen.

Daniel is standing at his usual spot whenever he and Jihoon eat at the kitchen bar; opposite the stools and leaning forward on the counter which right now allows him to face the kitchen doorway and gape at Jihoon’s naked form. Gaping not out of wonder and amusement as Jihoon initially wanted it, but out of shock and surprise. Because Daniel isn’t alone. There’s another person sitting on the stool in front of him.

“Oh my god! Hyung!!” The other person screams after he turns in his seat to look behind him, covering his eyes with both his hands just before Jihoon grabs the pillow-cushion from the nearest dining chair.

“D-Daehwi! What are you doing here?!”

“Why are _you_ naked?!”

“This is _my_ house!”

Daehwi slowly takes a peek and takes away the hand covering his eyes when he sees that Jihoon is at least slightly covered now—if the throw pillow he’s holding is by any means a form of coverage. He glances at Daniel afterward, and they both erupt in laughter. Jihoon doesn’t know if it’s because he’s been caught naked, but the scene in front of him is somehow very, _very_ bizarre.

“What’s going on here?” He finally asks, his voice still tightly strung and high pitched.

“What’s going on, is why haven’t I met Daniel-hyung before?” Daehwi’s sass is back, gesturing to Daniel who‘s sending a sorry smile his way.

“I’m going to need more context before I answer that,” he says while shaking his head and rubbing the last bits of sleep from his eyes. “And possibly coffee. I need coffee. Why are you even here this early?”

“I was supposed to surprise you with breakfast ‘cause I felt bad about last night,” he says in true Daehwi fashion, apologetic tone in tone but with his arms crossed. “But turns out _I’m_ the one in for a surprise here when all this—” he gestures to both him and Daniel. “—greets me in the morning. And I don’t think I even have to make you food anymore. Looks to me that Daniel-hyung already has you covered with breakfast, lunch, _and_ dinner.”

Jihoon doesn’t miss the implication on Daehwi’s tone coupled with his playful little smirk. Daniel, on the other hand, is looking at anywhere but him and trying his best to hide the forming grin on his face by stuffing his mouth with more bacon than necessary.

“Daehwi can I see you in the living room, please? Like, right now?” He pulls his face in a fake smile, one that Daehwi matches with a devilish one.

“Why? I’m sure Daniel-hyung would be okay with whatever it is you have to say. Seems like he’s gotten to see and probably _hear_ a lot come out of your mouth already if you were so brazen to walk in here in the nude.”

Jihoon gapes at his best friend while Daniel promptly chokes from behind the counter. “Daehwi. Living room. _Now.”_

He doesn’t wait for an answer this time and just starts walking backward towards the other room with his seat pillow still tightly clutched in front of his man parts. He’s at least glad to hear footsteps following him out this time.

“Look, I can explain.”

“Explain what?” Daehwi says playfully, raising an eyebrow at him once they’re both out of the kitchen. “That the reason you never go out with us on Friday anymore is ‘cause you have a secret boyfriend you’re not telling us about?”

“He’s not—”

“I don’t understand why you’re keeping it a secret though. He’s pretty hot. Not to mention nice _and_ a great cook.”

“Daehwi, listen to me—”

“How long has this been going on? Wait. He _is_ a secret boyfriend, right? Does Woojin-hyung know? Or Jaehwan-hyung? I swear if you tell me that I’m the last to know—”

“No one knows, okay! And he’s not my boyfriend!” Jihoon cuts him off in a barely contained whisper. “He’s not _anything_ Daehwi. He’s just someone I met. We just—sleep together. That’s all.”

“Sure hyung, because it’s perfectly normal to have the person you’re _just_ sleeping with cook you breakfast on a Saturday morning like a domestic husband.”

“It’s not—!” Jihoon doesn’t know how to answer to that and just bites his lip. He may be ready to admit to himself that he’s starting to develop feelings for his so-called fuck buddy, but he’s nowhere near prepared to tell that to anyone else. “It’s not what it looks like. Okay?”

“Look,” Daehwi says softly, going from playful to serious. “You don’t have to explain. I won’t force you to tell me anything you’re not ready to say yet, hyung. What you have going on and whatever Daniel is to you is your business alone—at least for now.” He ends with a wink and a pat on Jihoon’s shoulder.

“There’s nothing going on.”

“Of course, of course,” Daehwi flashes him a patronizing smile. “But all I know is that I haven’t seen you... _glow_ like this in a very long time. So even if—on quote ‘nothing’—is going on, I’m just glad to see that you’re happy.”

The look Daehwi gives him then somehow calms his erratic thoughts and he relaxes a bit. The fact of the matter is, Jihoon actually _does_ feel genuinely happy right now, much like what his friends have been saying lately. It may not be enough to compel him to voice out his emotions yet, but it’s enough to make him more accepting.

“Okay, thanks.” He avoids his friend’s eyes when he says that. He’s already embarrassed himself more than once in the past couple of minutes alone and he’s definitely not adding being seen blushing to the mix. “Oh, and about that job offer by SBS. Umm...I thought about it and you don’t have to worry. I’m fine with it now.

Daehwi instantly beams at him at his news, pulling him in for a hug which makes him almost drop his precarious hold on his modesty pillow.

“I knew you’d come to your senses! Don’t worry, I promise to make it as less excruciating for you as I possibly can,” he says with a knowing look that makes Jihoon feel even more thankful.

“So, uhh...I think Daniel made enough food this morning. You wanna stay for breakfast?”

“And get in the way of your ‘nothing’ with him? No thank you, I’ll pass.” Daehwi winks before turning around to stroll back into the kitchen. Jihoon follows and sees Daniel where they left him, spaced out and staring at the scrambled eggs in front of him.

“Daniel-hyung! It was very nice meeting you but I just realized I had to be somewhere.” Daewhi wakes him up from his weird trance and puts a hand out to shake, which Daniel gladly does with his signature bunny smile. “I’ll leave you two with breakfast. I’ll see you soon, ‘kay?”

“Y-yeah.” Daniel clears his throat, nodding. “It was nice meeting you too Daehwi.”

“And I’ll see _you_ on Tuesday. And please, don’t get dressed on my account.”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye Daehwi,” he says, frowning at him all the way to the front door. When his friend finally leaves, Jihoon is left feeling a little winded from the morning ordeal. Now that he’s alone with Daniel again, he can’t help but feel a slight awkwardness in the air that he doesn’t know how to break. _Now_ he regrets not any getting clothes before leaving his room.

“So, umm...sorry about that. He kinda has an extra key to my apartment…”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Somehow Jihoon doesn’t feel like it’s fine. Daniel still looks a little...he would say stunned but not really? His eyes are constantly moving down to stare at his plate, on the food he’s not even touching.

“Everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh, umm. Yeah, yeah. Sorry I just...spaced out for a second.”

“Hm. You should start eating then,” Jihoon says, nodding over to his plate as he stands beside him to start on his own. “These look really good by the way. Thank you for cooking.”

Maybe Jihoon’s just feeling paranoid from what’s probably the most eventful Saturday he’s ever had in a long while, because somehow it looks like the smile Daniel gives him then doesn’t quite reach his ears like they usually do.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

There’s a shift in their relationship after the events of that week, a displacement that’s simultaneously subtle and huge that Jihoon has little trouble catching up with. For starters, he sees Daniel more frequently than ever now that he’s sort of broken their Friday pact; constantly bringing over fried chicken on random nights of the week at his place after work ends.

“Not that I mind, but you’re seriously going to make me fat if you keep feeding me like this,” he comments one Tuesday night while they’re sitting on his living room floor after having devoured twelve chicken wings.

“This is the nearest take-out stop out of work that’s actually edible _and_ tasty. Unless you’d rather have convenience store ramen,” Daniel says, mouth full of chicken skin. “Actually, that’d be way more economical than me spoiling you with expensive chicken. Ramen it is next time.”

Jihoon snorts at him and moves his leg to get more comfortable, his knee bumping Daniel’s. “You’re calling _me_ spoiled? I’ll have you know that I’ve successfully lived off instant ramen—both cooked _and_ uncooked—for two consecutive years.”

Those days weren’t really happy memories, but he’s quite happy and just a little proud to be able to say it now—especially when It brings out a huge grin on Daniel’s face, his face scrunching up in laughter. “Why on earth would you do that?”

“Not all of us are born rich like you.”

“Excuse you!” Daniel slaps him on the thigh, which Jihoon retaliates with a throw pillow off the couch that results in a living room pillow fight leaving the remainder of their chicken and the youtuber they were watching on TV forgotten for the rest of the night.

And that’s another thing that’s changed about their new dynamic; the sex. It’s still amazing, and if it’s even possible he thinks it’s gotten even better the more times they do it. But the pleasure factor of it isn’t really what’s inherently strange, at least not as much as Daniel staying over at his place without any form of it happening the entire time. . Although the days they do have sex still outnumber the days they don’t, it’s still something different that, again, Jihoon finds he’s not minding too much of.

“How was work?” Jihoon asks him one night, mouth half-full with the ramen he cooked for them.

“Tiring.” Daniel mopes. “Next time someone offers me a promotion, I’m checking facts first.”

Jihoon chuckles at that, picking off a slice of beef from his bowl with his chopsticks and passing over to Daniel. “I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t handle.”

“Yeah. Hey, umm...I know it’s Friday but do you mind if we don’t do the thing tonight? I kinda just wanna lie down later.”

It isn’t the first time Daniel’s asked not to have sex for a night so it doesn’t really surprise Jihoon that much. He still chuckles though, at how cute he is whenever he asks.

“I don’t mind. We can just watch that anime movie you told me about.”

Daniel lights up at the prospect, slurps a mouthful of noodles before saying, “You don’t just like me for my body, do you?”

“You have great conversation skills.” Jihoon laughs at the silliness of the question, winking at Daniel’s pursed face. “And besides, it’s not really your body I’m after. You got skills.”

There’s a momentary pause on Daniel’s part right after that, short enough that Jihoon barely notices, before he chuckles out a laugh.

They even talk more, and not just about Daniel’s work or Jihoon’s music, but more about themselves. Jihoon learns that Daniel used to live with just his mom back in Busan before he moved to Seoul, and that he isn’t exactly the rich and silver-spooned boy he accused him of weeks prior. Daniel got into a university here on an academic scholarship, and he worked hard to get to where he is now. He also finds out that he loves to dance, and that he even took formal lessons for it and is still keeping up with the hobby whenever he goes to the gym—or the club.

“You know I once thought about moving to America to maybe pursue a career in dancing there,” Daniel randomly tells him one night while they’re—Jihoon wouldn’t really say cuddling but Daniel does have his head resting on his lap— _lounging_ on the sofa.

“Really? What stopped you?” Jihoon asks, a hand involuntarily playing with Daniel’s hair.

“Reality.” He shrugs with a small huff of breath. “America isn’t exactly the nearest country when you live in Korea.”

“Then why not dance here? It doesn’t _have_ to be be all the way on the other side of the world, you know.”

Daniel just shrugs, the movement shifting at Jihoon’s thighs. “Maybe in another life. Right now I’m happy just being here.” He smiles up at him, and their eyes meet for a few seconds before Daniel asks, “What about you? Got any crazy, far away places you always wanted to go to?”

Jihoon raises an eyebrow and ponders the question, but he doesn’t need a lot of time to think before an answer already pops up in his head. “New York.”

Daniel just blinks, surprised and obviously not expecting the answer. “Really? Why?”

“I remember going there once with my parents when I was little,” Jihoon answers him, the memory just sitting at the back of his mind. “They took me during the holidays, and I dunno...I guess I just wanna see all the places we went to again now that I’m older.”

“Hmm...the Big Apple, huh?” Daniel suddenly reaches up and runs a hand through his own hair, fingers finding Jihoon’s and entangling them together in between his locks. “I’ve never been there before. We should go sometime. You can give me a tour.”

“Yeah, and get lost in skyscrapers for relying on my five-year old self’s knowledge of the place.” Jihoon snorts at him when Daniel chuckles, and he tries to not let the fluttering in his chest affect him too much over the idea.

Besides talking, Jihoon’s eventually reached the point where he’s gotten comfortable in playing the piano with Daniel around. A testament to how their relationship has evolved, because even among his friends, Jaehwan and Daehwi are the only two people allowed to even be in the same room as him when he writes new music.

“Who taught you how to play?” Daniel asks him one time while they’re sitting on his piano bench. Jihoon just finished playing him one of the songs he’s experimenting with.

“My dad did. I think I was around six or seven when I started.” By this point, he’s already told him most about his hard past. Another one of the things that only his circle of friends know.

“He must’ve been a really great teacher.”

“He was.” Jihoon feels himself smiling, reflective of Daniel’s. “He was an even better pianist than I am now.” It’s usually a hard topic for him, but the way Daniel reaches up from his place to cup his cheek somehow makes it a lot easier.

“I’m sure he’s very, very proud of his son right now.” He smiles, and Jihoon thinks it’s physically impossible for his heart not to do a flip at Daniel’s words.

 

 

 

There are days though when things get a little confusing for him. He’s never really done this with anyone before—the getting-close-to-someone kind of thing. The last person he’s ever had the will to do this with was Minhyun, which was about five years ago so he can’t really say much about his experience with these types of things. He can’t really tell why, but there are times when Daniel gets all quiet all of a sudden that Jihoon is left with no clue as to why or what to do about it.

And it’s completely random every time, with increasing frequencies as well. They could just be eating dinner or watching a random show on Netflix, talking about work or current events, when Daniel’s face just gradually starts to lose its usual warmth.

It probably wouldn’t cause Jihoon so much confusion if it weren’t for the fact that he’s beginning to entertain thoughts of Daniel possibly having feelings for him too. He’s long since accepted that he’s falling in love with the guy—that much is established—but now with the way Daniel’s been acting lately, it’s becoming a lot harder not to read into all these little details.

“What’s wrong?”

They’re over at Daniel’s that night, on his couch with Jihoon on top of him and straddling his lap. They’ve been making out for the past ten minutes, both looking gloriously disheveled and getting into the moment until Daniel starts giving him that brooding look again after Jihoon pulls back to take a breath.

“Nothing,” he says, pulling Jihoon’s face back down to his. This time though, Jihoon relents.

“You're giving me that look again.” He frowns, holding still and brushing Daniel’s hair away from his eyes. “Tell me.”

That’s the best form of word expression Jihoon can say that means he wishes Daniel would confide in him more, because he genuinely wants to help him if there’s something bothering him. Even if they’re just little things, a bad day at his office perhaps or maybe some trouble with his car. Jihoon still wants to hear it, and not just get stared at with a look that borders on reading into his soul.

“It’s nothing, Jihoon,” he says slowly, pulling his face into a taut smile. “Can we just fuck now please?”

Daniel leans forward again, capturing his lips in a heavy kiss that feels a lot like a cover up. Jihoon doesn’t fight it this time because the pleasure he gets from Daniel is ultimately better than trying to process the mixed signals he gets at the base of his stomach.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Who’s that for?”

Guanlin asks him after they step out of the small shop, pointing at the blue paper bag in Jihoon’s hand before walking again along the shopping street they’re at.

“No one,” he answers nonchalantly, ignoring the dubious look his friend gives him.

“You expect me to believe that you had that custom made, wrapped in a pretty package, for your own personal pleasure?”

“Yup.”

He can see Guanlin shaking his head from his peripheral vision, sighing when he says, “You know how the others are saying that you’re acting really weird lately? I don’t notice it to be honest, but now I’m not so sure.”

Jihoon chuckles lightly, putting a hand on his pocket and breathing in the crisp air. Fall is just around the corner.

“Guanlin, how do you tell if someone likes you?”

He’s met with silence and another incredulous stare from his friend. Guanlin’s practically gaping but Jihoon doesn’t pay him any mind.

“You’re seriously asking me? Someone who’s never even been in a relationship yet? Shouldn’t _you_ know better at this?”

“Minhyun isn’t exactly the perfect example to base my experiences on.”

“I guess that’s true.” Guanlin snorts, shrugging. “Why though? Do you like someone, hyung?”

Jihoon lets the question hang in the air a bit before he answers, letting the words sink in. He thinks about Daniel, his presence, his smile, and the effect on his chest is immediate.  “I think I do. I think...I’m falling in love again,” he says in the most casual of tones.

“You’re not just messing with me are you? Wait, don’t tell me you like Jaehwan-hyung again.”

Jihoon almost trips over his own foot. “What is it with you guys thinking I still like Jaehwan-hyung? And how do you even know about that? I don’t remember ever telling you!”

“Woojin-hyung isn’t very good at keeping secrets. And I don’t think Jaehwan-hyung will ever let go of the fact that you used to think he was hot.” Guanlin laughs. Figures those two were the culprits.

“Those fuckheads.” This is precisely the reason why he only brought Guanlin with him today. Out of all his friends, he’s the only one he can trust to keep things between them.

“So if it’s not Jaehwan-hyung, it must be true then. I guess that explains your little gift there,” he nods over to Jihoon’s hand holding the small package they just got. “But if you’re already giving each other gifts, are you sure you don’t already know how this other person feels about you?”

If only things were truly that simple, Jihoon thinks. “Not really.”

“Well, why don’t you just ask? It can’t get any worse than not knowing right?”

He supposes Guanlin does make a valid point, and asking _would_ be the best and easiest way to go about things if he really wants to take things further with Daniel.

But the thing is, Jihoon’s afraid. For one, he’s never had to go about guessing what another person feels about him. In the past, Minhyun was the one who first confessed his feelings. All he had was a massive crush on a senior that never in his wildest dreams did he think would actually feel the same way about him. And even then, look how _that_ turned out.

It’s incredibly different from his current relationship with Daniel. While he can say they’re definitely more than just straight up fuck buddies now, with the way Daniel’s been acting lately it’s not easy to tell whether the way he says goodnight or how he cooks him breakfast every morning means something beyond their current arrangement.

“What if I can’t?” he answers with a question, hating how his voice sounds so weak.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?”

Jihoon shrugs, trapping his lips between his teeth. “Same difference.”

“Hyung,” Guanlin starts, halting his steps and turning to face him square on. He’s gotten so much taller than him that all Jihoon can do is look up. “When I said that I don’t notice you acting all weird lately doesn’t mean I’m oblivious. I see how you smile these days, and how unbothered you are with a lot of the things that used to bug you. I guess what I really mean is, seeing you this genuinely happy just doesn’t seem all that weird to me.”

Jihoon notes then that all his friends have officially told him in one way or another the very same thing. That he looks happy. Maybe it’s not too far from being true after all.

“And if whoever this person you’re telling me about is the cause of that, then I think you should really go for it.” Guanlin continues with a small smile, a hand going to his shoulder. “I get why you’re afraid, and you have every reason to be. But you deserve to be happy hyung.”

A smile forms on his face, and he’s soon nodding at his friend’s words. Maybe Guanlin’s right. Maybe he’s finally found happiness for once. Maybe Daniel’s just the right person for that.

 

 

 

 **_Niel:_ ** _dont buy food tonight. Im cooking :)_

Jihoon rereads the text message from that afternoon again as he waits for the elevator to take him to Daniel’s apartment floor. It’s familiar now, this whole routine. Jihoon isn’t even dressed up tonight and is merely wearing his usual ensemble of skinny jeans paired with an oversized shirt. Comfortable.

He punches in the code to the lock system on Daniel’s front door, numbers he knows by heart and is greeted with the most satisfying smell when he enters the threshold.

“Niel?”

“I’m in here! Go sit down, just give me a sec!”

Jihoon does what he’s told, settling down on the couch and putting the blue paper bag he brought with him on the under-shelf of the coffee table. Daniel comes out a minute later, in sweats no less while holding two plates of pasta in his hands and a bottle of wine secured in his armpit.

“I hope you’re hungry,” he says, plopping down on the carpet across from him.

“Wow. What’s the occasion?”

“Do we need an occasion for me to cook spaghetti and meatballs?” He answers with a cheeky smile.

“You just got off work an hour ago. You didn’t have to go through so much effort and I could’ve just bought—”

“No, no, no.” Daniel holds a finger up, silencing Jihoon. “What’s done is done. And besides, I was going to cook anyway. No big deal.”

Jihoon eyes him through his bangs and lets out a small chuckle to counter the ridiculous amount of butterflies in his stomach. He knows for a fact that Daniel practically never cooks on a Friday night, so he lets himself feel just a little special when he forks his first bite.

“Mmm. It’s good.”

“Was there ever even a doubt?” Daniel mumbles as he chews, tomato sauce already marking the sides of his mouth.

“You got a little—here,” Jihoon says, reaching out with his thumb to wipe Daniel’s mouth corners. He feels him tense a little at his touch, but he doesn’t pay it much mind. Not when he himself is surprised by his actions.

“So, umm...how’s that song your writing coming along?” Daniel says a full minute after, obviously doing his best to hide his fluster.

It gets back to a more casual atmosphere after that, with Jihoon telling him about the latest piece he’d been practicing with in preparation for the drama he’s set to compose on, and Daniel sharing his day at work and the new campaign he’s spearheading for that big client of his. The normalcy in the air, however, doesn’t stop the soft tug pulling at his mouth when he catches Daniel staring at him from time to time. He feels himself blushing, even more than usual. It must be the wine.

When the food’s all gone and they’re sat side by side with their backs against the sofa legs, Jihoon instinctively brings his head to rest on Daniel’s shoulder while they absently watch a cliche drama that auto-plays when they turn on Netflix. It’s so casual, strangely so, how this whole setup makes Jihoon fall even harder for the man beside him.

Just as the female lead is about to do something cutely stupid that’s obviously a buildup for a kissing scene, Daniel hits the pause button, bathing the room in silence.

“Bathroom?” Jihoon asks, tilting his head up a bit but still keeping its place on Daniel’s shoulder.

“Umm...no.” He suddenly sounds strangely morose, a stark opposite from his earlier demeanor while they were eating. Jihoon lifts his head and is a little surprised to see the same serious look he’s become accustomed to these past few weeks painting the other’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

Daniel doesn't answer right away, and when he does his eyes are still facing forward and avoiding Jihoon’s. “I, umm...I need to tell you something.”

He doesn't know why, but his words jostle his memory a little bit and he suddenly remembers the thing he brought with him tonight before he got distracted by Daniel’s cooking.

“Oh, before you say anything. I almost forgot.” Jihoon leans over and pulls out the blue gift bag from under the coffee table before handing it to Daniel.

“What’s this?”

“I just got you a little something.” He smiles sheepishly, nodding to the present. “It’s uh, well, just open it.”

Daniel gives him a confused look before his eyes travel down to his lap, giving the gift a once-over before pulling out the small, white card taped on top.

“Niel-hyung. This gift is the only one of its kind. I hope you like it—from, Hoonie.” Daniel reads aloud and gives Jihoon another confused look before finally opening the gift bag and taking out the small wooden box inside.

Jihoon never really thought about the reaction he was going to get when he gives Daniel the music box, but it definitely wasn’t this. Radio silence, with Daniel just staring at the thing in his hand like a lost child. He turns it around to see all the corners before he opens the wooden chest lid and the soft plinks of music fill the room.

“It’s, umm...I don’t know if you remember, but it’s the first song I played for you that night back at my place when you first got promoted. I had it made into a music box and...yeah.” Jihoon quietly explains after the first few seconds of the melody plays. Daniel is still frozen and silent as ever, face revealing nothing.

“I-uhh. Sorry, I don’t really know if this your kind of thing. I understand if you don’t like it and—”

The clap of the wooden box closing shuts him up, followed by the quiet stillness that the sudden lack of music brings into the room. Daniel finally looks at him, expression still blank.

“Jihoon—” He tries to say but pauses to clear his throat when the words come out thick. A few seconds of breathing and silent composure passes before he slowly continues. “I—I don’t know what to say. No one...has ever given me something this meaningful before. Thank you.”

He doesn’t even realize that he’s holding his breath until he releases it, face feeling warm as he smiles at Daniel. “You’re welcome.”

They kiss then, Daniel leaning forward and bridging the gap from their place on the floor. It’s one of those kisses that makes something bloom within the depths of Jihoon’s chest. The kind of kiss that makes him glad they’re sitting down because he can’t think of how he can stay standing when his legs literally feel like jelly.

He sucks in a gasp when Daniel suddenly carries him in one swift move, bodies leaving the floor without ever breaking their kiss. He’s soon being gently lowered down on his bed, their eyes meeting for a second that freezes everything around them.

Of all the times they’ve ever had sex, there’s always this look under Daniel’s eyes that’s just slightly masked and mixed in with unmistakable lust. It’s what he’s used to, what gets him really hot and hard for the other man in an instant—but now it’s different. The lust isn’t there anymore and the feeling Jihoon gets under his gaze is so close to making his heart burst.

“Hyung…” he whimpers meekly just before Daniel plants his lips back onto his in pure, undiluted passion. That’s another thing that’s different too. The sex isn't hard and intense like it usually is. They’re not pounding into each other as much or moving too wildly to generate the most amount of pleasure. There’s none of the dirty cursing, sexy hair pulling or light skin scratching that Jihoon’s grown accustomed to. He just _feels_ everything, overwhelming all of his senses that make it so hard to decide on which kind of sex he likes better.

When they both finish at the same time and they’re reduced to limp, euphoric versions of themselves, it goes without notice that the usual twelve-inch gap between them on the bed no longer exists. Instead, Jihoon falls asleep—not really _in_ but close enough—on Daniel’s arm without ever realizing it.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Wow. Daehwi’s right. You really _do_ have an after-sex glow,” Jinyoung says the moment Jihoon enters his friends’ shared apartment; eyes widening before directing a scowl towards his manager who’s setting the table at the dining room.

“You told him?!”

Daehwi doesn’t even spare him a glance, just waves a dismissive hand over his direction after placing down a pot of rice. “The very moment I got back after meeting Daniel-hyung. You _really_ didn’t expect me to keep it a secret from Jinyoung did you?”

“Umm, if it’s worth anything, we didn’t tell anyone else hyung. Promise,” Jinyoung says, closing the front door behind him and flashing an innocent smile.

“I don’t know what’s worse. You knowing, or me even getting surprised by you knowing.” Jihoon sighs in resignation, earning him a chuckle from his small-faced dongsaeng.

“Now there’s a sport,” Daehwi says before waving his hands over. “Now stop pretending to be shocked and get over here. Food’s ready!”

He came here on official business, but Jihoon’s got to admit—and not even after serving himself his second plateful of kimchi fried rice—as much as Daniel spoils him with food he still misses Daehwi’s cooking.

“So I’ve been going back and forth at the station network all week ironing out the project details and all that. You’ll be happy to know that Minhyun-hyung won’t be involved in anything even related to this project so the chances of you even breathing the same air as him is slim to none.”

Jihoon nods, giving Daehwi a thumbs up and talking with his mouth full. “You’re the best.”

“I’ll pass you the plot outline of the drama later so you can read through it,” he says, smiling at the compliment. “They say the script will be ready in a month or so but until then, the producers want to meet with you after you’ve read the outline.”

After Daewhi goes over all the details of the project, Jihoon has just about finished his third plate of food feeling full and content. He’s actually finally feeling the excitement of the whole ordeal, glad that he managed to push aside his stubbornness and take on this project. He supposes he has Daniel to thank for that.

And as if reading his mind, Daehwi leans over on the table with his chin on his palm and asks, ”Sooo, how are you and Daniel-hyung?”

Jinyoung is actually the first to react, stopping midchew and directing his wide eyes at Daehwi which are clearly screaming ‘I thought we weren’t allowed to talk about this’. And maybe it’s this priceless reaction, but there’s something that eggs Jihoon to answer back.

“Good. Things are good.” He smiles, right before taking a sip of his drink.

“Oh my god. Are you finally admitting it?” Daehwi squeals, the excitement so palpable that even Jihoon can’t help but feel it too.

“Admitting what?”

“That you’re dating!”

“I’m not admitting anything.” He smiles coyly. “I just said things are good between us.”

Daehwi rolls his eyes, but immediately perks back up in a challenge. “Great. If things are so good as you say, why not invite him out? All four of us can go on a double date.”

Jihoon raises an eyebrow, takes a quick glance at Jinyoung—who by now is still comically wide-eyed and frozen—before leaning back in his chair with a smirk. He’s not sure where the confidence is coming from, or what compels him to answer. All he knows is that he likes it, the comfortable warmth in his chest when he thinks about the prospect of getting Daniel to meet his friends.

“Sure. Sounds like a great idea.”

The answer is so obviously unexpected when both Daehwi and Jinyoung respond at the same time.

“What?”

“Really?”

Jihoon just nods, a small smile playing on his lips as he takes in his friend’s shocked faces. “Yeah. I’ll go ask him the next time we see each other.”

“Oh. Okay then. Good.” Daehwi finally says after a few seconds of silent blinking. Jinyoung on the other hand is still slack-jawed and gaping.

And all through the rest of the day, Jihoon finds that the only difficult part that came out of that conversation is trying to keep the excitement he feels all to himself.

 

 

 

He sees Daniel a full two days later, and even though it’s a Friday which is about as normal as their meetup schedule gets, Jihoon would have preferred to see him a lot sooner if not for Daniel staying late at the office lately. He tries to tell himself that he’s not the clingy type, no matter how hard it is to believe.

“Hey,” Daniel greets him at the door, hair damp with a towel draped over his shirtless torso and a pair of loose-fitting pajama bottoms that’s literally hanging on his hips for dear life.

“Hey yourself. I brought pizza.” He raises the two boxes in his hand, ignoring the heat building up in his stomach.

“Thanks, I’m starving. C’mon I got our show on,” Daniel says, going ahead to the living room.

“So we’re really watching zombies where there’s potential gore on display while eating pizza?”

“Yup!” Daniel flashes him his bunny smile, patting the space next to him on the sofa.

“Awesome.”

They both finish their own box way before the episode they’re watching even ends. Jihoon’s stuffed and content, eyes trained and focused on the show in front of him while he leans against Daniel with his head on his shoulder, the usual.

“I bet you the royal guard’s gonna die by the next episode,” Daniel whispers in his ear.

“You're not just telling me that ‘cause you read spoilers off the internet are you?” Jihoon deadpans, too comfortable to even pull out a playful threat.

“What if I am—ow!” Daniel squeals, rubbing his side. “Did you just pinch my abs?”

Jihoon chuckles. “What if I did?”

His cockiness is short-lived when Daniel suddenly and effortlessly pins him to the ground and attacks his armpits with tickling fingers

“N-Niel! St-stop it!” He’s bursting with laughter. They both are.

“Where’s your attitude now, huh Hoonie?”

If there’s one word Jihoon can use to describe himself, it’s competitive. He may be a few inches smaller but he’s no weakling, and in one swift move he bucks his entire weight upward throwing Daniel off balance. He rolls them over, straddles his hips and holds down his wrists above his head in victory.

“You were saying?” He smirks, then in an instant the playfulness in Daniel’s eyes turns into a hooded gaze as he looks up at Jihoon.

He lets go of Daniel’s wrist in favor of cupping his face as he kisses him and he feels the rampant butterflies fluttering in his stomach while they make out on the living room floor. The kiss feels more heated tonight, more hungry, and Jihoon doesn’t have to think twice to figure out what Daniel wants to happen.

“Hoonie...” He moans when they break for air, and looking at him with his hair a mess and lips red from the kissing—Jihoon feels the full weight of how bad he’s got it for the man under him. It doesn’t take that much longer before they’re fucking each other into the night, forgetting the show that’s still paused on the TV in true ‘Netflix and chill’ fashion.

 

 

 

They end up finishing on the bed, slightly sweaty and panting in contented sighs. For some reason, Jihoon has Daniel’s head resting on top of his chest with his arms wrapped around his torso. He doesn’t even make up excuses in his head anymore about being tired or feeling too high from the sex for allowing this to happen. He knows why he’s letting Daniel’s sweaty figure this close.

“See, this isn’t so bad is it?” Daniel mumbles, and even though Jihoon can’t see his face as he says that, he knows there’s a smug smile on there.

“Shut up,” he says, a hand instinctively going to ruffle at Daniel’s hair.

They stay like that for a moment, just breathing each other’s air and recovering from the amazing experience of just a few minutes ago. Jihoon can feel Daniel drawing on the skin of his stomach with his finger; little circles perhaps but Jihoon likes to think they’re probably just misshapen hearts. He shifts and bundles him closer, allowing Daniel to tilt his head up and look at him.

He has a silly smile on, one that Jihoon feels is probably mirroring his own. He starts to feel a little self-conscious when he realizes that Daniel’s head is literally resting on top of his heart where he can probably hear its mad beating.

“Hoonie?” Daniel starts to say, his voice muffled by the skin pressing on the side of his face.

“Hmm?”

“I—” It’s only a breath, a whisper so low that Jihoon probably wouldn't have heard if it weren’t for their precarious position. He’s hanging on the edge, waiting for Daniel to finish his sentence.

“What is it?” He asks a minute later, getting impatient. If he ever doubted that Daniel could hear his heart then, there’s no denying it now.

“I—umm…” Daniel stutters, looking so conflicted and certain at the same time. Jihoon doesn’t think he’s ever felt so much disappointment before when Daniel suddenly leaves his place on his chest and sits up on the bed. “I’m thirsty. I’m just gonna get some water. You want any?”

He’s dumbfounded, staring at Daniel’s sheepish smile while he jerks his thumb in the direction of the door. An involuntary chuckle leaves his lips, and Daniel soon follows up with his own breathy laugh.

“Sure, I’ll have a glass.”

Daniel nods, rubbing at his knee under the blanket. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Jihoon doesn’t even realize that he’s holding his breath again until after Daniel has left the room. He’s feeling so much all at the same time, putting a hand on his chest over where Daniel’s head was resting up until a few seconds ago. Damn, he really has it bad.

He suddenly remembers what he and Daehwi talked about two days ago, about going out together on a double-date. And maybe it’s not a full-blown confession yet, but he thinks it can be a start. He’s never asked Daniel—or anyone for that matter—to go out with him before, like _really_ go out, and it’s exciting to give it a shot now.

It’s this excitement that gets him off the bed to follow him to the kitchen. His sweat-dried, naked body feels cool away from the comforters and blankets of the bed as he pads down the familiar hallway. Jihoon’s just about to turn the corner off to the main living space when the sound of Daniel’s voice stops him in his tracks.

“I didn’t know you were in town! God, I missed you man! When did you get back?”

He’s on the phone, undeniably happy and excited about something. Jihoon’s sure he can just go over there silently and Daniel probably wouldn’t mind but he doesn’t. A moment of hypocrisy because he wants to respect Daniel’s privacy, yet at the same time he doesn’t stop himself from eavesdropping.

“Tonight? You _do_ know it’s like two in the morning right?”

The apartment is so quiet that Jihoon can almost make out the other person’s voice over the phone, hearing the words airport and duty-free wine. It must be an old friend of Daniel’s

“I want to see you too man, but I can’t tonight. I got someone over.”

Jihoon thinks he hears the other person gasp over the phone and he bites his lip to contain the smile forming on his face. He thinks he can even hear his own heartbeat drumming in his ears.

“No, it’s not. I don’t have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. It’s nobody dude, just someone I met at the bar—and no I am not kicking them out! I’m not as rude as you, you know.” Daniel chuckles, just as the other end barks with the same laughter.

That’s when the world suddenly stops around him. Like a sort of disembodiment, where he feels detached from everything. There’s a heavy weight that drops at the base of Jihoon’s stomach, immobilizing him. He can’t breathe, can’t think, and his ears are ringing and echoing the last words out of Daniel’s mouth like a cursed chant.

_‘It’s nobody—’_

They’re still talking on the other side of the wall but Jihoon doesn’t register any of the words anymore. He’s frozen, and the only sensation he feels besides the his rapid heartbeat is the sting of his nails digging into his palm.

_‘—just someone I met at the bar.’_

The logical part of his brain is telling him that it doesn’t mean anything. It’s the easiest excuse to tell their friends what they are whenever they ask, and Jihoon knows he’s even used the same lines before on Daehwi. It’s the most convenient thing to say without having to explain their relationship.

But logic doesn’t seem to be the winning player right now, not when his heart feels like it’s burning from the inside out. Not when his ears are ringing and he has to hold on to the wall beside him to stay steady. Not when he feels like he’s twenty-two again, standing in his sweats inside some bar in Myeongdong watching his boyfriend of three years kiss another man right in front of his eyes.

It’s different. An entire world’s difference from what happened with Minhyun. Daniel isn't even his boyfriend as he so clearly pointed out and yet, it doesn’t _feel_ different. It’s the same heart-searing pain. The same pounding in his chest that, up until this moment was filling him with so much joy and warmth, only to be replaced by the same suffocating grip he feels whenever he’s around his ex. The same internal rage and self-blame he thought he’d long since moved on from. The only difference he can see now is that he’s not bawling his eyes out, mostly due to the fact that he’s still naked inside Daniel’s home, but even then he knows it will come later.

“Hey, sorry I took so long. I got your—Jihoon?” Daniel finally re-enters the bedroom ten minutes later, enough time for Jihoon to get a hold of himself and put his clothes back on. Hence, the surprised look Daniel is sporting right now. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon says, his voice betraying him and cracking so he clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah, umm...Daehwi just called and he told me to come over to his place.”

“Right now?” There’s no denying the disappointment in Daniel’s voice, the concern when he looks at the time. “Is everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, it’s just umm...stuff. Don’t worry.”

He nods in understanding, puts the glass of water he has in his hands down on the desk and proceeds to pick up his pants. “Just give me a sec and I can drive—”

“No!” Daniel jumps at Jihoon’s voice, too late in realizing that it came out so loud and horrid. “I mean, no it’s...it’s okay. I already booked an uber.”

He’s looking at his feet, unable to meet Daniel’s eyes. He doesn’t know how much strength he has to hold it in if he does.

“You sure?”

The worry in Daniel’s voice completely kills his ability to speak, so he just gives a curt nod.

“Oh. Umm, okay then. If you’re sure. Just be careful okay? And text me when you get there.”

“Yeah. Bye.” Jihoon doesn’t hesitate another second, just leaves the room heading straight to the front door, the elevator, and out of Daniel’s building.

The tears don’t start until he’s safe within the privacy of his own apartment. He doesn’t even make it past the entryway, collapsing on himself and sliding to the floor with his back against the front door.

He’s so stupid. _So_ stupid for even considering the possibility that he could have something with Daniel. Stupid for hoping, stupid for thinking that things could be different. Stupid for making the same mistake he promised himself he’d never do again for the rest of his life.

Even if Daniel was just making excuses to his friend, it doesn’t change the truth of what he and Jihoon are to each other. Their relationship is grounded on sex, and even if Daniel did feel the same way about him—which he apparently doesn’t—it wouldn’t be real. Not in the sense Jihoon wants it to be.

He wants to blame Daniel, be angry with him so at least he could have something— _someone_ —to lash it all out on like he did with Minhyun. Except he can’t, not this time when Daniel didn’t even do anything.

He clutches his chest through the fabric of his shirt, as if the act could possible lessen the pain and keep his heart from breaking any further. But his hands are shaking, ribs racking uncontrollably along with the gush of tears running ceaselessly down his face.

There’s no stopping the pain. No stopping the fissure that’s slowly, painfully cracking open in his heart for ever thinking that he finally had a chance at happiness.

 

 

 

 **_Niel:_ ** _hey. did you get to Daehwi’s alright last night? I never heard from you._

 

 

 

 **_Daehwi:_ ** _Hyung, have you read through the outline I sent you yet? We’re supposed to be meeting the producers next week._

 

 

 

 **_Niel:_ ** _did you get my text last sunday?_

 **_Niel:_ ** _umm, anyway. I was thinking of coming over tonight after work if you're not busy. I’ll buy us dinner :)_

 

 

 

 **_Jaehwan-hyung:_ ** _yo. Daehwi just asked me if we hung out or if i saw you recently. am i supposed to?_

 **_Jaehwan-hyung:_ ** _shit i didnt forget anything did i? text me back_

 

 

 

 **_Daehwi:_ ** _Hyung, I know you’re probably busy with writing, but now isn’t the time to shut yourself off!! Answer your phone!_

 

 

 

 **_Niel:_ ** _Hey. So um, tomorrow’s friday. Your place or mine? I can cook us food if you’re coming over…_

 **_Niel:_ ** _Jihoon?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I cant tomorrow. Busy. Sorry._

 **_Niel:_ ** _oh. haha for a moment there i thought your phone broke or something._

 **_Niel:_ ** _anyway, it’s ok I understand. You do your thing, we can just rain check._

 **_Niel_ ** _: I miss you, by the way :P_

 

 

 

It’s that last message that pushes Jihoon to act on something physical to get his mind off Daniel. After moping around and doing absolutely next to nothing for the past few days, it’s clear to him that he needs a bigger push to stop the pain from eating at his insides.

So he pulls out the food delivery app on his phone and orders a total of ten packets of beer, to be delivered right on his doorstep. He’s not much of drinker, and when he was in the same sorry state as he is now two years ago he couldn’t really afford to buy enough booze to get him mind-numbingly drunk. But he’s got his own place now and enough money to do just that and there’s no one here to stop him.

It takes about four cans of beer for him to feel the effects of alcohol muddying his system. Seven to make him drunk and ten for him to feel completely numb. It doesn’t matter if he pukes about three times on the kitchen sink. At least the pain in his chest is gone. And right now, that’s all that matters.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Jihoon wakes up slowly, consciousness kicking in before an excruciating wave of pain hits the inside of his head like a bulldozer. It’s debilitating, and he’s sure he’d probably fall on his feet if he wasn’t already lying down. He feels himself moan and only because his throat scratches onto itself when he does, not at all hearing himself beyond the constant ringing in his ears. He doesn’t dare open his eyes and just decides to wait out the pain until it goes away.

It doesn’t. And it roughly takes him ten minutes to finally decide to move and another ten to _actually_ move and sit up on the bed. Confusion is the next one in line to barrage his brain when he opens his eyes and sees that he’s in his bedroom. He thinks back to how he got here, but immediately stops when just the mere act of thinking is bringing in a fresh wave of pain to his head.

He stumbles twice getting out off bed, saving himself from a third by grabbing on to the edge of his dresser to break his fall. When he thinks he finally has enough equilibrium in his system to function without hurting himself, he opens the door and steps out to the living room.

It’s dark out, but the light coming from his TV screen provides enough to illuminate his immediate surroundings. A look to his right lets him see the city lights outside the windows that at least tells him it’s night time. His focus is then diverted back to the TV and to the silhouettes of two people sitting on his couch in front of it.

“Hey.” He speaks up to call their attention, a terrible idea because most his voice comes out in a rasp which gets him into a coughing fit.

“Shit, what are you doing out of bed?”

Jihoon slightly makes out the voice to be Jaehwan’s and confirms it when his friend comes closer, putting both hands on his shoulders to help him up.

“What are you doing here?”

The question gets him a slap on the bicep, which in his current state feels more like being pummelled with a heavy-duty hammer. “Ow!”

“What are _we_ doing here? You’ve been M.I.A for the past week hyung!” Daehwi yells at him, bringing another wave of throbbing in his head.

“We were worried, is what Daehwi’s trying to say.”

His eyes dart to each of his friends when the throbbing in his head slightly subsides. He frowns, blinking frustratedly before shaking away his arms off of Jaehwan’s hold and walking to the kitchen.

“You can go now. I’m fine.”

“We’re not going anywhere—”

“I wasn’t asking,” Jihoon says darkly, opening his fridge and rummaging through its contents. He must be more knocked out than he thought. He could’ve sworn he had more—

“If you’re looking for your beers then you’re not going to find them. We threw them away.”

“What?!” Jihoon rounds on Daehwi with daggers in his eyes. A bad idea because the sudden movement just made the room spin. “Why the _fuck_ would you do that?”

“Because we found you passed out here on this floor on your own fucking puke two days ago Jihoon, that’s why!” This time it’s Jaehwan who yells at him, startling both him and Daehwi into silence. Jaehwan rarely gets like this, and it’s never good when he does. “We don’t know what’s going on with you but whatever it is, we’re not letting it happen again.”

Jihoon stares at his friends—or at least to the two clear ones in front of him and not at the multiple blurry versions doubling in his vision. His head still hurts and the room is still slightly moving. To make things worse, the dull ache in his chest is coming back. The thought of someone lingering in his mind and the exact reason he’s drinking in the first place.

“Fuck you,” he tells them, rounding the corner out of the kitchen towards the hall. He’s not even completely sober yet and the feelings are _still_ pestering to come back.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Fuck off!” He slaps Daehwi’s grip away, scowling. “If you’re not going to let me drink then I’ll fucking get them mys—”

Jihoon doesn’t even finish, betrayed by his own body when he suddenly throws up right then and there. The scratch and sting in his throat feel ten times more worse when all that comes out of him is bile.

“Jihoon…”

“I’m fine! I…” He mutters weakly, but Jaehwan ignores him and walks forward to wrap his arms around him. Not minding at all that he’s most likely getting Jihoon’s puke on himself.

“It’s okay. We’re here”

“Let go. Hyung just...just let me go.” Jihoon’s voice breaks, his hands trying and failing to land hard punches on Jaehwan’s back. He feels his face getting wet, and the shame of exposing himself while he cries makes him bury himself more on his chest.

The last thing Jihoon remembers from that night is being carried back to his bedroom, getting a glass of water from Daehwi just before he passes out again.

 

 

 

“Is he okay? What happened?”

“We don’t know. He’s been asleep since yesterday...and Daehwi and I agreed not make it worse by asking him anything for now.”

Jihoon hears the voices behind him but doesn’t open his eyes or move from his bed to see who it is. He thinks it’s Woojin, but he’s still so, _so_ sleepy that he doesn’t bother finding out.

“How much did he drink?” This voice is closer, a little deeper. It sounds like Guanlin.

“if what we cleaned up in his kitchen is anything to go by, then it’s a lot. There was only half a packet of beer left when we found him. He drank most everything else.”

“God, Jihoon.”

“I know. I haven’t seen him like this since Minhyun-hyung.”

“Wait, do you think he did this? Did they talk to each other?”

“Daehwi says it’s unlikely. But who knows. They could have.”

“Or maybe it’s someone else… Hyung, he—”

“Are you all seriously chit-chatting in here next to him right now?! He’s supposed to be resting. Out, out!”

Will he ever run out of things to be thankful to Daehwi for, he wonders. When he hears the door close behind him, he rubs his eyes before tears could form and surrenders back to slumber.

 

 

 

He doesn’t know the time or day when he finally wakes up sober. All he has going for is his cool room; dark with no light passing through the closed curtains. He’s alone, but he can hear sounds coming from outside his door.

Jihoon gets up then, a little glad that the room spinning in his vision is probably caused by him lying down for so long and not because of the alcohol. He checks his reflection in the mirror first, confirming his guess that he looks like shit. Hair matted and wild, dark bags under his eyes—the whole package.

He steps out of his room not a second later when his stomach grumbles, which is precisely the reason why he woke up in the first place. After all, he can only go for so long without food—whether he’s even conscious or not.

“Jihoon.” Woojin is the first to see him, and only by coincidence as he’s passing by his door the moment Jihoon opened it. “Guys, he’s up.”

He would laugh if he had the energy, at how everyone pokes their heads up from what they were doing to look at him right before walking over. All of his friends are here, wearing sweats and PJ’s and looking only half more decent than himself.

“How are you feeling?” Daehwi’s the first to speak, worry marking his brows to match his tone. The air feels strangely thick as if every person in the room is holding their breath.

“Hungry.”

There’s a collective sigh of relief from everyone, and Guanlin even chuckles out a small laugh. The air is normal again, or at least as normal as it can be in this situation.

“Welcome back to the living, bro,” Woojin says, giving his shoulder a good squeeze. “We’ll go order something, you just sit still for a while okay?”

True to their word, they order all of Jihoon’s favorite food. Boxes of pizza, chicken, and even hangover soup to help with his still lingering dizziness. He normally wouldn’t let his friends baby him like this, but right then all he wants is to eat so he lets it slide.

There’s an awkwardness around him though, masked and ignored thanks to the food in front of them and to the random show playing on TV that no one’s really paying attention to. Jihoon tries to ignore it, but he keeps catching worried glances thrown at him. He’s not really counting, but by the eight time it happens, he finally puts his food down and decides to talk.

“Hey, umm...guys?” His bites his lips and sighs when they all practically stop what they’re doing to face him. Woojin even has his mouth open, ready to eat the pizza he’s frozen in midair. “I just...wanted to say thank you, for coming here and umm, making sure I didn’t die. I’m sorry for burdening you all.”

“Are you kidding?” Daehwi says cheerfully, cutting the tension. “This is literally _the_ first time in years that we’re all hanging out together. We should be thanking you, hyung. For drowning in alcohol and bringing everyone here.”

That gets everyone laughing, and even Jihoon finds himself joining along.

“And we’re not pressuring you here or anything,” he continues, waving a dismissive hand at him. “I think I speak for everyone here when I say that, while we are a little curious as to why you chose to subject yourself to alcohol poisoning and go AWOL for a week and—” Jinyoung nudges his knee, eyes wide. “—my point is, you don’t have to tell us anything you're not ready to talk about yet. We understand.”

“As long as you promise never to go on a drinking spree again.” Jaehwan adds, garnering another round of laughter from everyone.

“Okay, okay. I promise,” he says with a smile. And maybe the dull ache he feels in his chest doesn’t completely go away unlike when he was shit-faced drunk, at least he has something to distract him from the pain. He has his friends—his _family—_ and that’s more than enough for now.

They spend the entire weekend at his place, and Jihoon doesn’t even mind that part of why is probably because they’re making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid again. It’s a welcome break from being alone nonetheless, and he admits that he’s really missed having all his friends here together. It’s a welcome respite, but he know there’s an end to it and he’s aware of the things he has to face when it’s over. When it’s time for everyone to go and Jihoon’s seeing them to the door, Daehwi hesitates at the entrance with a wary look on his face.

“I’m not drinking anymore Daehwi, I promise. Don’t worry—”

“No, no. It’s not that,” his friend says, shaking his head. “It’s umm—it’s about Daniel-hyung.”

Even just his name brings an instant sharp burn in his chest, and he’s afraid how much of it shows on his face. If Daehwi ever suspects, and Jihoon thinks he does, that Daniel is involved in this then his reaction right now just confirms it.

“He came over a the other day, while you were passed out. He said he got worried when you weren’t answering your phone so he went to check on you.”

“Oh,” is all that Jihoon manages to say, slightly afraid that his voice will betray him if he says more. The idea of Daniel coming over to see him is making his body shudder and his legs weak. Daehwi sees through him easily though, and just continues talking.

“I didn’t let him in. I just told him you got the flu and you were sleeping. I wasn’t sure if…” He trails off, but Jihoon nods. He knows what his friend means.

“So, yeah. I just thought you should know. Call me if you need anything, okay?” He says, wrapping Jihoon in a quick hug. “I swear I’ll kill you myself if you pull other stunt like that again.

“Okay, okay.” He chuckles, and just before Daehwi goes to turn around to where Jinyoung is waiting for him by the elevator, Jihoon gives his hand a squeeze. “Hey Daehwi?”

“Hm?”

Jihoon thinks he says this too many times already, but it doesn’t stop him from saying it again.

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Hey_

 **_Niel:_ ** _Jish19w 6s cs_

 **_Niel:_ ** _sorry! dropped my phone_

 **_Niel:_ ** _Hey! how are you?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I’m good. I just wanted to ask if you were free tomorrow._

 **_Niel:_ ** _oh! tomorrow’s good :) are you still sick? I can come over and bring you some soup._

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _um. I was thinking lunch. What time is your break?_

 **_Niel:_ ** _Oh. Sure. I can go around 12-ish?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Okay. I’ll meet you at the cafe across your building._

 **_Niel:_ ** _sounds good :) see you!_

 

 

 

Jihoon taps his fingers on the small marble table, trying to calm himself by listening to the ambient music playing inside the medium-sized cafe. He tries to dissect the piece in his head, finding patterns in the melody and analyzing the chord progression. There’s not much emotion and excitement to it—after all it _is_ just ambient music—but it’s exactly what he needs to keep his mind occupied.

It’s three minutes before twelve when he sees him outside crossing the street, and he has to take a sip of his tea to help him keep his heart rate from going all over the place. Just the mere sight of him—standing out on the sidewalk waiting for the walk sign to let him cross—is already making it flutter, and not in the good and warm kind. It only just occurs him that this is practically the longest time they’ve gone without seeing each other.

Daniel spots him easily when he enters the place, smiling when Jihoon makes a small wave in his direction. Another sip of tea, this time to stop the pang that comes with that smile.

“Hey. Sorry, did you wait long?” Daniel asks when he reaches him, taking the opposite seat. From a distance of about three feet away Jihoon can already smell the familiar scent of him. It’s mind-blanking.

“Uhh, no. I’m just early.” He sounds so awkward, so he waves to the cup in front of him to hide his fluster. “I-umm, I bought you coffee. Americano with extra sugar”

“Oh, thanks. I needed this.” The way Daniel takes a huge sip from his cup, the way he blinks a little harder than usual; it’s not blatantly obvious but Jihoon knows he’s probably feeling a little tired from work already. It’s just little cues and details, ones that Jihoon shouldn’t even be pointing out in his head.

“Hoonie?”

“Huh?” He mentally shakes away the overthinking thought-train and directs his attention back to Daniel. Did he just ask him a question? Damn, he can’t even focus.

“I just asked how you’re feeling. You okay?” The concern is so heavy in his voice that Jihoon actually feels a little guilty. “I was kinda surprised when you asked to meet for lunch. I didn’t think you’d be able to leave the house so soon.”

Jihoon blinks at him, waiting for his mind to catch up. Right, he’s supposed to be sick. “Oh, umm—I’m...getting better. It’s fine. Sorry for worrying you.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’m just glad to see you again.”

He has to look down when Daniel starts to flash him his signature smile. This meeting was supposed to be a way for him to gauge himself—to see how he’d fare in Daniel’s presence. He’s definitely underestimated the gravity and magnitude of the effect he has on him, because now he’s suddenly overwhelmed with the intense need to throw up and cry right then and there. Despite his drinking episode, letting time pass a little, the effect Daniel has on him is still the same as their last night together.

The feeling must be showing on his face because he suddenly asks whether he’s okay again, and the concern in his voice is so palpably genuine that Jihoon almost _does_ draw a tear. He doesn’t think he can take it much more, so he takes a huge gulp of his tea, reaches for the paper bag next to his feet and hands it over to Daniel.

“What’s this?” he asks, sounding curious and just slightly excited. The latter only lasts a second though, just until he opens up and sees what’s inside the bag. It’s not totally immediate, but the smile on Daniel’s face slowly disappears.

There’s a reason why Jihoon chose to meet up for lunch today instead of waiting to meet after work like they usually do. The very same reason why he chose to meet at the cafe nearest to Daniel’s office, and why he’s suddenly handing him a bag full of the clothes he’s been leaving over at his place for the past few weeks. Jihoon knows his reasons, and he thinks Daniel is beginning to understand it too if the way he’s staring at his own belongings is anything to go by.

“What—” Daniel tries, opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to form words. He’s shaking his head a little, and Jihoon feels a little lost at the choked up gesture Daniel’s going for. In the past when Jihoon had to break it off with his previous one-night stands, it never took a lot of words for him to reach a mutual understanding with the other person. It usually ends amicably, with barely an explanation to put on the table.  

But Daniel isn’t like the rest now, is he? He never was. So he really shouldn't be surprised when he says, “Does this mean what I think it means?”

It’s like a knife to his chest, cutting off all forms of speech that leaves him with no choice but to simply nod. His lack of a verbal answer only intensifies the following silence so he tries to focus on the music again, willing his heart to remain as slow and steady as the rhythmic beats playing in the background along with the white noise of indecipherable chatter around them. It isn’t working this time, his chest is burning on hyperdrive.

“Can I ask why?” Daniel asks after some time, looking at him with with serious eyes. Jihoon doesn’t even try to hold his gaze anymore and just focuses on his cup of tea instead.

Because how the hell does he even answer that? How does he tell his supposed fuck buddy that he’s fallen in love with him? That he can’t even stand the idea of sex anymore let alone be close to him when he knows he doesn’t feel the same way. That knowing that piece of information hurts a lot worse than finding out his boyfriend cheated on him.

“There’s someone else,” Jihoon says to his cup, abrupt and forced. Sometimes lying is the easiest answer to avoid having to explain himself further. And it works.

“Oh. Umm...I see,” Daniel says, his voice barely a whisper. Jihoon takes a chance to look up and sees him doing the same thing as he is: staring at his coffee cup with his lips between his teeth.

Another long stretch of silence, and Jihoon doesn’t know what else to say or do. He didn’t plan this far ahead of the conversation—how could he?—and the air around them is just getting thicker and and more weighted the longer they sit there.

“So where does this leave us then?” Daniel asks again in the same quiet voice, uncertainty lacing his tone. “Do we stay friends or…?”

Yet another thing he didn’t plan on. He’s caught a little off guard by the question that it becomes a monumental task for him to stop the first answer that pops in his head. Yes. He wants to say yes—but he knows what that answer entails and what it’ll lead to. He might as well just scratch out everything he just said and continue playing pretend with Daniel if that were the case. Jihoon’s already made his mistake, he’s already gone too far with a person who was only supposed to be another hot stranger on a lonely Friday night. He’s not going to make the same mistake again.

“I...I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The lie feels heavier this time, pooling in his stomach and grabbing at his heart with invisible tendrils.

“So you’re serious about this one, huh? I thought you didn’t do boyfriends?” It’s obviously rhetorical, and more so a lighthearted inside joke than anything. But it has the opposite effect and Jihoon just feels his chest constricting harder.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no. I didn’t mean—I mean it’s okay. I understand.” Daniel tries to give him a smile, and Jihoon can’t really say for sure in his current state of mind but it doesn’t look genuine. “You don’t have to apologize. Things were clear between us from the beginning right? It’s just sex...nothing else.”

The way he says it makes him want to punch himself. But again, he just nods all the same.

“Regardless though,  I uhh...appreciate you coming here to tell me and not umm...ghosting, I guess. And whoever this new person is—” Daniel pauses a bit, gulping down whatever it is he’s feeling then. “—I hope he treats you well. You deserve that.”

Jihoon is literally hanging by a thread. His hands are shaking underneath the table, and he can feel the familiar sting in his eyes threatening to flood out the dam he’s trying _so hard_ to hold up. The throbbing in his chest travels all the way up his throat, forming a lump and choking him of air. He doesn't have the voice to even answer at this point and just continues to nod dumbly.

“I should umm…” Daniel awkwardly gestures with his hands. “I still kinda have a lot of work to do so…”

“Y-yeah. Of course.”

They both get up at the same time, and in a moment of stupidity Jihoon reminds himself that Daniel’s the one leaving and not him. He sits back down, and they give each other one final look. Jihoon has no idea what his face shows right now, but he’s doing his best to keep it all in. Daniel on the other hand just looks awkward, as if he can’t wait to get away from this place and from him as soon as possible.

“Goodbye, Jihoon,” he says for the last time before he turns around and leaves the cafe without a second glance, not even waiting for a reply. Jihoon just sits there some more, drowning in the mind-numbing ambient music and mentally picking up his shattered being to make sure he can leave this place without breaking down into a mess. It’s only when he finally gets up an hour later that he realizes Daniel didn’t even take his coffee with him.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

He lasts about three days. Three days of forcing himself to write music, watch random movies, and burn his time on social media before the gnawing emptiness in his chest grows to the exaggerated equivalent of a black hole. He’s avoiding calling his friends to ask for help because they’ve already done so much and seen enough of his sorry ass. He’s not going to drag them any further than that.

Which is precisely why he finds himself inside the nearest convenience store on a late Friday night, in only his large oversized hoodie and mismatching pajama track pants. He knew this day would be especially harder than all the other days, and he initially planned on just sleeping the night off only to fail at it miserably. Daniel just keeps popping up in his head, whether he even has his eyes closed or not. It took an hour of him tossing and turning in bed to finally decide that he’s probably not getting any sleep tonight if he doesn’t do anything about it.

“I’m sorry guys,” he whispers to himself, a silent apology to his friends after he takes two packets of beer in each hand and cradles a third in his arms. It’s just eighteen cans, just to help him sleep. Or so he tells himself.

“Jihoon?”

He’s only just about to turn away from the aisle he’s at to get to the cash register when he hears his voice. It immediately stops him in his tracks, and Jihoon mentally kicks himself for it. It’s not that his voice still even has the same effect on him, because it absolutely doesn’t. He’s just surprised, and if anything it really just makes him want to throw all the cans of beer he’s holding at the other person’s face.

“Don’t tell me you’re drinking all that,” Minhyun says, a light chuckle to his words. Jihoon can tell he’s going for casual, breaking the ice. Too bad that right now he’s probably the personified equivalent of a tundra plain.

“What makes you think you have a say in what I can and can’t drink?”

His bluntness obviously startles him, eyes widening slightly when he stutters, “I only meant—”

“I know what you meant,” Jihoon says. Clipped and abrupt.

“Um, right.” Mihyun slowly nods, sucking in a breath. He looks at Jihoon as if he’s waiting for something to happen. For him to walk away and leave most likely but Jihoon isn’t doing that. Which is a surprise to both of them.

“So umm...how are you?” Minhyun tries again when he’s made no move whatsoever. “Or am I not allowed to ask that too?”

Maybe he should’ve left when he had the chance, but he’s held in place by his own curiosity. This is literally the first time he’s talked to Minhyun since their breakup two years ago, and Jihoon’s left slightly baffled wondering how the hell he feels so composed right now. Just around a month ago, the mere sight of Minhyun gets him so worked up that his chest tightens and his blood boils to the point of suffocation. Now they’re here, standing no less than five feet apart in a convenience store and all Jihoon feels is indifference and a slight annoyance—mostly due to the fact that he’s holding him up from his beer.

“That depends,” Jihoon says in answer, “Are you asking because you actually care, or because you’re just making small talk for bumping into me?”

Minhyun’s mouth sets into a tight line at that, eyes going serious. “Look, I know you hate me. But I never once felt that way about you, Jihoon. Of course I care.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” He shrugs, surprising himself even more when he actually answers back. “But if you really must know, I actually feel really terrible right now. Which is why I’m here buying all this so I can get myself drunk and pass out tonight.”

The blatant honesty is definitely worth it because the growing expression on Minhyun’s face is priceless. He never really was one to hide his expressions. “Oh...okay? Should I be concerned?”

“Wow, you’re really asking me that?” Jihoon snorts, some of his bitterness seeping off. “Is that what you asked yourself after I caught you cheating on me?”

“I—” Minhyun pauses, guilt painting his features. Jihoon’s honestly amused and curious to see how he can form a comeback from that one, yet still is unsurprised when Minhyun just concedes. “I deserve that.”

“You deserve a lot worse.”

Minhyun nods, and when his eyes next meet Jihoon’s, it’s full of something he’s never seen on the other man’s eyes before—remorse.

“I never got the chance to properly apologize to you, have I?” He sighs, giving off a small shrug. “I mean, I texted you constantly, and I told each of the guys to tell you how sorry I was...but we never really got to have this conversation before.”

That’s because Jihoon never wanted to have this conversation. He doesn’t even know why he’s allowing himself to have it now. The first few months after their breakup, Minhyun left him alone and stayed away, which was probably Daehwi and the others’ doing if he thinks about it now. It’s only after he got over his initial depression that Minhyun started chasing after him, constantly texting and calling that Jihoon had to change his number and made everyone swear not to tell Minhyun. He avoided him like a plague, letting his anger and pain fester inside of him..

“I know it’s way too late now,” Minhyun continues, taking Jihoon’s silence as a cue to go on. “But I want you to know that there’s nothing in my life that I regret more than what I did to you, Jihoon. What I did was...despicable. I still wish I could go back to that day. Stop myself. Take it all back.”

“But you can’t,” Jihoon says flatly, his voice thick. “You broke me Minhyun. You broke me at a time when I was already broken.”

Minhyun just nods again, and if Jihoon didn’t know any better he would say his eyes are starting to look kind of glassy. “I know...I know Jihoon-ah. And there isn’t a day that goes by without me wishing that you never had to live with what I put you through...you never deserved that. I’m really sorry.”

The words reach him but it only manages to brush against the surface of his shell. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in Minhyun’s apology, but really because he’s already spent a good deal of his time trying to imagine what this conversation would look like during the early days of when he first got cheated on. Seeing and hearing it unfold in front of him right now has made the ordeal lose most of its effect. In a way he doesn’t really care anymore whether Minhyun apologized to him or not, but it still gives him a weird sense of...is it relief? Satisfaction? In knowing that he wholly regrets what he did.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” Minhyun continues solemnly, eyes never leaving his. “I’m still working on forgiving myself in that aspect. But I hope that by knowing how I feel, you’d find it easier to let some of your hate go. You used to be a really different person when we were together, and a lot of us miss that side of you.”

Jihoon frowns and looks down at his hands then, to the three packs of beer he’s holding as Minhyun’s words start to sink in. For the better part of the last two years, he’s never really allowed himself to feel the pain of what he did to him. The aftermath, the loneliness that grew out of his hatred that never seemed to leave him no matter how much time had passed. He thinks about the things he did to bury them all; constantly ditching his friends because being with them reminded him of Minhyun so much, all the flirting around bars to sort of rebel against the ideologies Minhyun saw him as, and sleeping with different people every week to keep the loneliness at bay.

It’s the very act that lead him to Daniel in the first place. The only other person who’s managed to make him feel something past sexual pleasure. The only person whose number he kept, whose smile never left his head; who made him _want_ something he thought he never dared experience again. And maybe Daniel didn’t want the same things as him, but there’s no denying that the feeling was there— _is_ still there. Otherwise the pain he feels right now wouldn’t hurt as much. The love he felt wouldn’t be as strong.

“So...umm, I guess I should leave you to your beer then,” Minhyun says, gesturing to his silence. “And don’t worry, I-uhh...won’t tell the others.”

Jihoon looks up, fixing his stare on Minhyun and feeling the weight of what he’s carrying grow a little heavier. The situation now is immensely different from before, but he’s nowhere near treating it that way. And maybe that’s part of the problem. All the sex, the drinks he’s holding—Jihoon’s just digging the same old grave for himself again.

“You know what,” he starts with a shake of his head, a sigh escaping his lips before he turns around and starts putting the beer packets back on the shelf one by one. “I don’t think I need to smash myself drunk tonight. Maybe.”

He can see the confused look Minhyun is giving him, but the small smile on his face betrays the emotion. What’s more of a betrayal though is when Jihoon finds himself smiling back.

“That’s good to know,” Minhyun says with a light nod. “You never really were much of a drinker.”

“I still hate you, just so we’re clear.” Jhoon raises an eyebrow at him. Playful, and not condescending  “This doesn’t change anything.”

“Of course.” Minhyun’s tone is patronizing, and Jihoon finds himself smiling more at his ex as he starts to face the other way.

“I’ll see you around Minhyun.”

“You too Jihoon-ah.”

They go their separate ways, and the only thing Jihoon leaves with from the convenience store is a tub of his favorite ice cream and a box of wafer cookies to go with it. When he’s settled back into his apartment a little ways later, he grabs his phone from his hoodie pocket and types in the names of his friends on his to-send list, shooting them a message before opening his dessert and taking a bite.

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _hey. I know it’s friday and you guys are all out...but can you guys come over after? I could really use the company…_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _thanks._

 


	2. 15 Months Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am floored with the amount of love (and tears) you guys have showered me with this work. Thank you so much for all the great words!

Jihoon’s fingers move languidly over the keys in a steady rhythm, gliding through blacks and whites and plucking the heartstrings of the instrument he’s playing. He focuses on the notes, letting the melody run its course through his body, his mind, as he plays out the final verse of the piece. When the last note hits and he holds his stance over the keys in that momentary window of bliss, he breathes in the satisfaction that caresses the surface of his skin; broken only by the few hands of mute applause which he can see rather than hear through the window of the recording booth. He smiles and does a little bow of his head.

“That was perfect! I think we can wrap that up for today Jihoon-ah,” the lead producer says through the com, signaling Jihoon to come out of the booth.

“I think I ran through the second verse a little off beat just then. Should we run it again?” Jihoon says the moment he steps out, gnawing at his lip sheepishly.

“Aish, what are you talking about?” The other producer chimes in with an incredulous look. “If that was a mistake then you should do it more often.”

Jihoon chuckles along when they laugh and give him a pat on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Yoongi-hyung and I can make it work.” The producer smiles at him. “And it’s nearly Christmas eve. We already feel bad for calling you over during the holidays.”

“Ah, it’s alright hyung,” Jihoon says sheepishly, waving a hand in front of him. “I don’t really have any plans tonight anyway.”

“You're kidding, right? Young, attractive guy like you got no plans on Christmas eve? Heck, even Namjoon here has a date.”

“Yeah, I—hey!”

Jihoon just laughs some more, watching his two sunbae’s bicker. Not really an unusual sight, considering he’s already spent more than a couple of months in their company. The past six months have been going really well in fact, as if working with two of Seoul’s amazingly famous producers is just the cherry on top of an already spectacular cake. He’s more than excited to see his music come to life soon on the new drama.

“Shit, the time. I’m gonna be late,” Namjoon says, rushing to cram all his stuff in his backpack and coat pocket.

“Say hi to Jin-hyung for me,” Yoongi says just right before Namjoon makes it to the door, blushing.

“Shut up! Oh, and Merry Christmas Jihoon-ah!” he says in a rush, waving goodbye to the two of them. When Namjoon is gone, Jihoon lets out a fond chuckle for his hyung before he turns back to Yoongi.

“Are you sure there’s nothing more we can go over with tonight?”

“Nope,” Yoongi says pointedly, leaning back on his chair. “Don't go being an old hermit like me Jihoon-ah. Go out there and have some fun.”

Jihoon pouts, an expression he only lets his two hyungs see. “I told you, I don’t have plans.”

“Then make one.” Yoongi smiles at him and ruffles his hair. “I’m closing up shop tonight anyway.”

“What? No all-nighters?”  Jihoon chuckles knowing his hyung’s habit.

“Not on a holiday. Now go, enjoy the rest of the night. No working.”

“Aye, aye captain.” Jihoon gives a mock salute, grabbing his bag and heading to the door himself. “Merry Christmas, hyung.”

“You too, Jihoon-ah.”

 

 

The air is cold and crisp with winter when Jihoon steps outside the network station building. He stands there for a minute, watching all the other people from the sidewalk go about their business heading home and celebrating the occasion. Truth is, the reason he wants to keep working tonight is because he literally has no one but himself to spend time with for the holidays. All his friends are back in their hometowns until after Christmas, and there’s really nothing to do but watch movies and eat junk food alone at his place.

It’s pathetic. And it’s not like he isn’t used to being alone on Christmas—or any other occasion in general for that matter because he is. It’s just that this holiday in particular is a slap on the face that tells him that everyone he knows has at least somewhere to go or someone to spend it with. It’s a painful reminder that despite being surrounded by the people he loves, there’s always going to be that one day when they won’t be there for him.

“You could come over to our place, you know,” Daehwi had told him over their early Christmas dinner a week before they all left Seoul. “You’re more than welcome to spend the holidays with us.”

“Or mine,” Woojin raised a hand in volunteer. “My mom practically loves you way more than me. She’d be happy to have you over.”

As inviting it all was, Jihoon had merely smiled at his friends and declined their offers. As much as he liked the ideas, he knows that it isn’t where he belongs.

So he pulls up his scarf a little higher and sighs at his current situation of solitude, deciding to at least listen to some music on the walk home to lift his spirits up—until he tries fishing for his earbuds and remembers that he broke them last week. He’s been putting off buying a new pair and the regret only feels heavier now.

Well, no time like the present, and it _is_ Christmas after all. So Jihoon hangs his head in frustration as he walks toward the nearest mall to join the hordes of last-minute shoppers.

A huge mistake.

Five minutes in and he’s already regretting the decision. Suddenly the loneliness waiting for him at home doesn’t sound too bad compared to the number of people he has to fight his way through in walkways and escalators. It’s literal chaos. One lady in particular had so much shopping bags in her hands and was basically walking blindly when she either accidentally or indifferently stepped on Jihoon’s foot with her platform heel. He’s leaning more on the rude indifference, since she didn’t even look back to apologize and just continued waltzing off with her eyes glued to her phone.

It takes a while, but he at least manages to get to the tech store in one piece, save for his throbbing toe. He breathes in his first lungful of artificial mall-air since entering the building when he sees that there aren’t a lot of people shopping here at the moment. Even better is that the music devices aisle is practically empty of living souls. A salvation.

Jihoon takes his time then, not wanting to go out into the horde just yet and starts prancing along the selection of earbuds leisurely. Now, there’s really something to be said about how the universe is just plain cruel when it comes to playing tricks, because it always comes in the moments he least expects it. Like now, for instance; he’s quite engrossed with his shopping, merely browsing a shelf of wireless earphones when the smell hits him. It instantly heightens his senses and makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Every strand of consciousness in his mind zeroes in on the aroma that it literally becomes the hardest thing in the world to fight his instincts of looking around to find its source.

It still annoys him how much a single scent triggers him like this, making him wary and unnecessarily nervous for nothing. Once, he smelled the same perfume while he was out doing groceries and he literally left his half-full grocery basket on the floor of the cereal aisle and rushed out of the premises without a second thought. Another time he found himself doing his business inside one of the public restroom stalls in a hotel he was attending an event at, and he literally stayed inside his cubicle for a good twenty minutes to make sure the smell and the person wearing the scent had gone out of the room.

Those were during the early months, when the wounds were still raw and open. But now he’s learned not to let these things control him anymore. After all, it’s just perfume. One that literally _anyone_ in the city could own and wear. He reminds himself to stop being irrational and shake off his nerves to focus back on his shopping, forcing his eyes to be pulled by a pair of yellow airpods with an oversized shelf-talker that’s literally screaming sale. He’s about to pick up a pair when he sees movement coming in from his right, from another person joining him in the same aisle.

His hand freezes in midair and his breathing stops. He can only see peripherally but he can already tell that the other person is a good few inches taller than him and is _reeking_ of the same perfume. He takes a minute to remind himself to breathe, tries to relax and convince himself that it’s just a coincidence and that if he looks to the side, he’d only see a stranger. It takes a little while to build his courage but he does exactly that, and immediately wishes he hadn’t.

He’s blonde now, and wearing glasses. It’s the only difference from what Jihoon remembers of him that’s distinguishably apparent in looks because other than that, he still looks like the same Daniel. Still as dashing and compelling as the day he first met him. Same stature, same smell—even the way he involuntarily pouts his lips when focusing on something as menial as shopping is the same.

There’s not much difference, not with Daniel and definitely not with the way Jihoon’s body reacts to his presence. The way his heart drums so loudly in his ears that it practically drowns out every other sound around him. The way his chest clenches in on itself, making it all the more harder to breathe and form any coherent thought.

He abruptly turns back to the shelf in front of him before he gets caught staring. Daniel doesn’t look like he’s noticed him—or is probably pretending not to notice, he's not sure—which makes grabbing the earbuds he needs and escaping the scene that much easier.

“Shit!”

Or so he thought.

The exact moment he hastily turns to flee, he collides into someone going the opposite direction as him. And Jihoon, being in the lean-build that he is despite his height, actually knocks the other person down along with a few items off the shelf noisily clattering on the ground.

“I’m—” To make matters worse, he sees that the person he knocked over is a girl. Wonderful. “I’m so sorry miss. Are you hurt?”

“No, no. I’m okay.” The girl shakes her head and smiles at him, gratefully taking the hand he’s offering to pick herself up. “It’s my fault too, I wasn’t—”

“Everything okay here?”

Like soft, melting butter. That’s how Jihoon would describe the voice coming from behind him. But the reaction it gets from his isn’t as warm when he immediately stiffens and feels his bones turn to lead. The situation can’t possibly get any worse.

“I’m okay Danny. I just tripped, that’s all.”

Apparently, it can. If there was ever a good time for the earth to swallow him whole, it would be now. Jihoon evaluates the situation in his head and considers his choices. He could simply just hightail it out of there, run away from the problem and make a complete fool of himself; or he can choose to be a proper adult and face the situation head-on. He curses in his head because the choice is already so obvious, so he slowly turns around with his lips between his teeth, eyes downcast until it finally meets with Daniel’s.

Jihoon would probably laugh if he were capable, at the way the other’s expression turns from relatively passive to pure and utter shock. He doesn’t blame him, at this proximity even _he_ has trouble processing the situation.

“Jihoon?” he says, coming out as a bewildered response more than anything. The sound of his name coming out of his lips is like a needle to the brain, and before Jihoon can respond with his own surprise, the girl he just knocked over—and called Daniel ‘ _Danny’—_ beats him to it.

“You guys know each other?” she says, eyes innocently darting between the two of them. Jihoon just keeps his mouth shut. He has no idea how to answer that.

“Umm, y-yeah. Jihyo this is, umm...Jihoon,” Daniel says rather awkwardly with a wave of his hand in his general direction. “He’s a...an old friend of mine. Jihoon this is Jihyo. My umm..my girlfriend.”

That last bit goes all the way down to Jihoon’s stomach as if he just swallowed a rock the size of his fist. The word girlfriend is swirling around in his head, short-circuiting every functioning nerve and rendering him speechless on top of everything else he’s feeling.  He isn’t even given time to compose himself when Jihyo immediately extends a hand out to him.

“Oh, hello! It’s always so nice to meet Danny’s friends. I’m really sorry for bumping into you.”

Jihoon’s had his fair share of awkward handshakes, but he doesn’t think anything has ever compared to this. “Ah, no. I should be the one apologizing. Umm...it’s nice to meet you too.”

Just then he feels Jihyo’s hands tense and the look on her face turns into something akin to recognition. Just when Jihoon thought things couldn’t get _any_ worse, to his horror she says, “Wait—Jihoon? As in _Park_ Jihoon? The famous pianist?” She looks over between him and Daniel again, who seems to be shrinking under her gaze.

“Umm...I’m not really famous but—”

“Oh my god it _is_ you!” She squeals in delight, and Jihoon has never been more thankful that there aren’t that many people around. “Now I feel even more ashamed for bumping into you like that.”

“Ah, it’s fine, really. You don’t have to—”

“When Danny told me he knew you I never really believed him—sorry babe,” Jihyo says cutting Jihoon off again and pinching Daniel’s arm. “But oh my gosh it’s really you! I’m such a huge fan!”

Jihoon doesn’t know the kind of face he’s making right then, but it’s probably that contorted, constipated smile he has on whenever he gets recognized by the public. He’s absolutely speechless, while Daniel on the other hand still hasn’t moved on from the awkward look he’s sporting and just tries to laugh it off.

“Yeah, umm, Jihyo. I think the line at the cashier is growing. Maybe you should queue up now? I’ll join you in a bit.”

Subtlety has never really been Daniel’s forte, and Jihoon finds himself internally wishing that Jihyo would just stay because her presence there is the lesser of two evils. He figures getting his ear chewed off with awkward conversations about his status is _way_ better than being left alone with Daniel. But Jihyo gets the hint and she just sarcastically rolls her eyes at her boyfriend.

“You're shoo-ing me as if you guys are going to make out behind my back,” she says jokingly with a laugh. Jihoon almost chokes on his own spit.

“I just—”

“I know, I know. I’ll leave you two to catch up,” she cuts Daniel off with a wink before facing Jihoon again. “It was so nice meeting you Jihoon-ssi.” She waves at them and even tips her head in a little bow at Jihoon before walking off, leaving the air even more awkward around them.

“Umm..s-sorry about that. Jihyo can get a little... _too_ friendly sometimes. She’s kidding, of course. She doesn’t know about…” Daniel says in an attempt to control some damage, but it only comes off as pathetic.

“It’s okay.” Jihoon nods, surprising himself with how stable his voice sounds when he clearly feels otherwise. He doesn’t even look Daniel in the face and just focuses his gaze on his shoulder. He can’t.

“So, umm...how’ve you been?” Daniel asks. “I-uhh, haven’t seen you in a while. You look good. I mean—well. You look well. Not that you don’t look good it’s just—” He shuts himself up, biting his lower lip. Jihoon can even see his neck turning pink.

“I’m...okay, I guess. Just shopping for some earphones.” Jihoon waves the small plastic box in his hand. He sounds so casual he almost doesn’t believe himself.

“Oh. Nice, nice.”

Jihoon knows the polite thing to do is to ask Daniel back how _he_ ’s doing; the I’m-fine-how-about-you kind of thing. Except he doesn’t really _want_ to know how Daniel is. He doesn’t want to hear about how the past year had treated him, or about his happy life with his all too-happy girlfriend. He doesn’t want to know how he’s living his days normally while Jihoon’s out here still constantly getting small panic attacks when he so as much smells his perfume.

It must really show on his face then, because Daniel awkwardly takes a short step back and begins excusing himself. “I should, umm—I should probably go. I don’t wanna keep you from your shopping.”

Jihoon nods, stupidly if he may say so himself. The weirdest thing is, there’s a part of him that doesn’t want Daniel to stop talking. He wants him to stay there, cling to his presence despite how hard it is for him to breathe. At least he feels _something_ other than the nothingness that’s constantly nagging in the depths his chest.

“It was really nice seeing you again,” Daniel says with a small smile when Jihoon hasn’t given any other response. “Merry Christmas, Jihoon.”

He simply nods to his feet again, which he figures is even more stupid. By the time he’s mustered up enough sense to actually speak and greet him a merry Christmas too, Daniel’s gone.

Jihoon leaves the shop not a second later, not even buying what he came there for.

 

 

He barely makes it back to his apartment before the first drops of his tears start to fall. By now he’s used to it really, considering the amount of crying he did during the first few months after splitting up with Daniel. He doesn’t wipe the tears away this time, nor does he try to contain the sobs building up and escaping his lungs because he knows it only gets harder if he does. He knows the throbbing in his chest will only grow more painful the more he keeps it all in, that being strong sometimes means letting it all out.

It’s nothing new. He’s had these episodes before. Normal, daily things he used to be able to do like watch Netflix or even just cook himself instant ramen have all triggered the waterworks on more than one occasion. It’s happened more than enough times for him to have devised a coping mechanism whereby he just sits still and lets the feeling of emptiness pass; waiting for the pain to at least ebb into a more manageable scale.

This time though feels a lot worse than all those other times he found himself decapitated by tears, when usually he’d at least be able to drag himself to somewhere comfortable like the sofa or his bed, he’s now left a withering mess at the foot of his front door. It could be due to the fact that he saw Daniel again, in the flesh for the very first time since that day at the cafe, or it could be from finding out that he has a girlfriend now. Honestly, he doesn’t think either one matters.

One would think that as much time as fifteen months is enough to get over someone. Someone you were never even in a real relationship with, someone who was never really yours in the first place. Logically it is enough time, but Jihoon has never really been the best when it comes to moving on.

Take Minhyun for instance. It took him nearly three years to legitimately feel okay to be around him again. It’s roughly the same amount of time they were together, and even then Jihoon thinks that the only reason he was able to move on from that was because of Daniel; him breaking his heart just made him indifferent to what happened with him and Minhyun.

Which raises the question: is getting his heart broken the only way to move on from something that broke him in the first place? His friends tell him that time is all he really needs to be better, but Jihoon knows it in himself that time doesn’t do him shit in this matter. He’d long since given up his vices of drinking and sex in hopes that it’ll help him speed up the process—and for a while it kind of did—but if his current state is anything to go by, it just proves that everything he’d tried to achieve and work hard for in the past year had been a total lie. Lying to himself that he’s over Daniel. Lying to himself that he’s actually even the least bit happy.

He doesn’t know how much time had passed when he finally picks himself off the floor. His throat feels dry, and his face the complete opposite. His legs are leaden with dead weight as he walks toward the living room, plopping down on the couch for some much-needed comfort. The pain still lingers in his chest even after all that crying, so he grabs the remote in an attempt to distract himself.

It’s like a click in his head occurs, a switch that flicks on that’s not unlike the feeling of when he gets hit by inspiration to write melodies. When the TV turns on to a live broadcast of some Christmas tree lighting event happening in New York, Jihoon feels as if an answer just presented itself. He’s never really been much of a believer in faiths. Too much of a hard past can do that to a person, especially for someone like him. But if signs presented by the universe or an almighty being were ever truly real, then he thinks this is as good a sign as any.

The next thing he does is probably too rash, impulsive at best. But if the elation and slight excitement he’s feeling at the moment is because of it, then he doesn’t think he minds that he’s now booking a one-way plane ticket to the concrete jungle he’s seeing on TV.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Moving? What do you mean you’re _moving_?” Daehwi asks with calm aggression, which is by far the worst kind of tone that can ever come out of his best friend’s mouth. Everyone else seems to have the same sentiment when they all just stare at Jihoon while they’re gathered around in his living room.

“I’m going to stay in New York...just for a little while,” he says, eyes locked on his lap where he’s playing with his hands. He’s rehearsed this scene in his head a number of times before today, but being on the spot now is an entirely different matter.

“And how long is ‘a while’ exactly?” This time it’s Woojin, voice even and asking with a slight dip in brows.

“One? Maybe two years? I don’t really know yet to be honest.”

“So you're moving all the way across the globe and you don’t even know how long you’ll be there for,” Jaehwan says. A statement, not a question, in a tone that’s equal parts scary as Daehwi’s. “Is that your way of telling us you’ll be gone forever?”

The accusation hurts and Jaehwan’s face softens a little when he realizes what he said. But Jihoon gets it, he knows where they’re coming from. His news isn’t really the easiest pill to swallow. They all just got back to Seoul a few days ago and now he’s dropping them this huge bomb of an announcement.

“I won’t be gone forever hyung. I’m not—”

“Then why are you even leaving in the first place?” Daehwi questions him again with poorly hidden affront. “Can’t you just—I don’t know—go on a holiday or something? Why does it have to be an entire year?”

Jihoon sighs. He knew it wouldn’t be the easiest thing in the world to tell his friends. And while he expected that fact, he wasn’t really prepared for them to team up against him like this. In a way it’s heartwarming, knowing how much they’re against him leaving. But that’s beside the point and he’s already made up his mind.

“You guys have always told me that you want me to be happy,” he starts slowly, looking at each of his friends in turn when he talks. “And in a lot of ways I am. I mean—I get to do what I love. I’m earning enough so that I don’t have to constantly rely on instant ramen anymore, and I got you guys. The most amazing friends in the world. I have so many reasons to be happy about. But at the same time I just…”

Jihoon trails off, his serious gaze breaking. He’s told his friends about who Daniel was a couple of months ago when it became easier to talk about him; about what they were and what happened between them last year. Even if he thinks he’s been putting up a brave front whenever he’s with the others, he knows that they know just how much of an effect Daniel had on him. It’s really no surprise to anyone in the room when he implies what this is all about.

“I still feel empty,” he finally says, still not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I feel like I’m stuck trying to force myself to see the good side of everything I have going in my life when there’s this constant weight in my chest that feels the exact opposite. It’s like I’m always lying...to always have to force the fact in my head that I’m lucky to be where I am now. To constantly have to remind myself that I should be happy when I’m really not.”

Jihoon isn't really one to talk about his feelings, especially not to all of them all at once like this. Even back when Minhyun had cheated on him, he never really confided in anyone on what’s really going on in his head. Doing so now is bringing up a painful lump in his throat that he isn’t sure how to swallow.

“Hyung, I don’t understand.” Daehwi’s tone has shifted to something softer, one that Jihoon’s familiar with. It’s the worried tone he’s always tried to avoid and hearing it now still brings that same effect. “I mean—I guess we know why you feel that way...but _why_ New York?”

It’s only then that Jihoon truly considers the weight of his decision. It’s made on an impulse, yes, but the underlying fact that made him even consider the move is that New York is the only other place in the world he holds happy memories to. Maybe it’s foolish of him to think that clinging to that positivity will help solve his problems. Maybe it’s reckless to go on a path that doesn’t have any roads or foundations to lead him to. It’s a lot of terrible things, but he’s at least certain that it’s better than sitting here in Seoul merely waiting for his wounds to heal.

“I think...maybe I should start looking for happiness somewhere where I didn’t lose it,” he says, and like a huge exhale of inhibited breath, he feels a little lighter in doing so. “Maybe that’s in New York. Maybe it’s not. But I’m willing to try and give it a shot if it means I can at least be a little better than how I am here.”

His point is clear, and saying it out loud like that kind of makes the whole thing sound a little less crazy and desperate. Jihoon can see the gears turning in all his friends’ minds by looking at their faces and he knows that his driven the nail. There’s no argument left to be made.

“What about your music?” Daehwi asks defeatedly. “Are you just dropping that after everything you worked so hard for?”

“What’s good about my job is I can do it anywhere Daehwi,” he explains, although he has a feeling his friend already knows that. “I’m still going to make music...just not here. Heck, maybe I can even land some commercial gigs or recitals in America.”

“What about your job at the station? How are you going to finish composing for that drama when you're across the globe?”

“We're nearly done with it. I suspect we’ll be wrapping things up in the next week or so.”

“And your house? Who’s going to water your plants here, huh?”

“I can hire someone, Daehwi.”

“But what about—”  

Jinyoung puts a hand on Daehwi’s lap then, silencing him with a firm, puppy-eyed stare before he looks to Jihoon. “There’s nothing we can say to stop you now, is there hyung?”

It sounds more like an acknowledgment than an actual question, and Jihoon merely throws an apologetic smile their way when he shakes his head. “I kind of already bought a plane ticket. So, yeah.”

“When are you leaving?” Guanlin who’s been quiet this whole time finally speaks, sounding small and timid; a side no one’s probably seen since the first few weeks he joined their friend group.

“By the end of the month,” Jihoon answers, a strong sense of finality lingering in the air with his words.

No one says or does anything for a while and they all just stare at some random space in the room. It’s a lot to take in and process, even for him; leaving his friends behind ha been the only doubt lingering in his head and for good reason. But Jihoon knows that if there’s anything in this world that can test the passage of distance and time, then it’s their friendship. Honestly, if he could bring his friends with him on this crazy adventure he’s taking, he would. But things can’t always be that easy, and he knows this is something he has to do by himself.

“So that’s it? This is goodbye?”

Jihoon releases a breath and tries to reach a hand to his best friend when he hears that. “Daehwi—”

“That settles it then,” Daehwi suddenly says, getting up from his seat and turning the other way with glistening eyes. “Jinyoung pack your bags. We’re moving here for the next four weeks.”

“What?” Jihoon and Jinyoung say simultaneously, shocked attention focusing on Daehwi.

“If you’re moving by the end of the month hyung, then Jinyoung and I are going to spend every waking second with you. We’re moving in whether you like it or not until I grow sick of your face everyday and actually be _glad_ that you’re leaving the country when the month ends.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, or if there’s even anything to say to that so he just blinks in response. Jinyoung looks as shocked as he is too, but then Guanlin suddenly speaks up.

“Hey! I wanna move in too!” he says with a raised hand, his tone firm with conviction. “I can sleep on the couch.”

“I call dibs on the second couch!” Woojin grins, getting up from his seat excitedly.

“Oh come on! You’re seriously making me sleep on the floor?” Jaehwan whines, looking to Jihoon for support when every soft surface in his apartment has been promptly booked.

He’s rendered speechless, reduced to staring at his friends in silence and awe. He’s caught between wanting to cry right then and wanting to burst out laughing at the whole scene in front of him. There’s a lot of things he wants to say, but he keeps his mouth shut and just smiles at everyone in the room; filling in all the spaces and details with something that has no need for words. And maybe he still feels a little throb, an ache in his chest that he’s not quite sure will ever truly go away. But at least he has these buffoons to support him—to hold all his broken pieces together no matter how heavy it gets, and that they will always be there no matter where he is in the world.

There’s no need for him to worry too much now. And maybe—just maybe—he can allow himself to feel hopeful for this new step he’s going to take.

**Author's Note:**

> If it interests you, I just wanted to mention that when I wrote the part of Jihoon playing the piano for Daniel for the first time, the melody that was playing in my head was [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ezgTePDrXQ). This piece, and all subsequent piano covers of this song have been the main source of my inspiration while writing this story. A theme song, if you will.
> 
> Thank you for reading this far!


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